Thursday, April 29, 2010

Love & Loss (Part 29)

Turns out Vicki had been battling with cancer for the past ten years. Unfortunately, she was loosing her battle with it and wasn't given much time left. She called me to Washington, feeling like she had to. I tried to tell her it wasn't important but she wanted to tell me anyway. Turns out things with Terry didn't turn out well and after he left she threw herself into school and work. She felt so bad over what happened between the two of us and regretted it since the day I left.

She wasn't going to call and beg forgiveness. She knew I would have forgiven her. Ultimately she felt she didn't deserve me. She heard about Jenni running out on me and almost called then, but was too embarrassed to. She regretted not calling, she said she regretted a lot of things. She wanted to tell me all this in person before she past away. She was so weak, that after talking, she needed to rest once again.

I expected her mother to send me away, but she allowed me to sit with her, holding her hand. I sat for a few hours, I would have stayed all night if her mother hadn't encouraged me to go back to my hotel to rest. She told me I was welcome to come in the morning when perhaps Vicki would have more strength. Reluctantly I left. It was early in the morning when her mother called, letting me know Vicki passed away in her sleep.

You can't imagine how the news broke my heart. She already explained she didn't have much time, I didn't realize how short the time was. It was as if she waited to die till after telling me what she needed to. And yet, there was so much more to be said, so much more I wanted to tell her. I knew I was going to draw into myself once more. I was tired of being hurt, and didn't think I could handle much more in life.

I could already feel myself slipping away. I still helped her mother with preparations for the funeral though. We used older photos of Vicki to create a collage. It was her last collage and I was glad I helped with it. I refused to visit her in the casket, I didn't want to remember her that way. As the service started I saw Kenny, Laura and Darryl. Suddenly, and unexpectedly I was asked to come up and read something.

Part 30 of 30

No comments:

Post a Comment