F is for Friends

R.a.n.t. of day 04/07/15

F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me. N is for any where, any time at all. Right? Okay, so that spells FUN. But the word friend is right in the phraseology. Look. This truly is an accurate description of what friends are. Someone who will do anything at any time with you, and have fun doing it. It doesn't matter the distance or the last time you did something, they are always there for you. Note: There is a distinction between any where, at any time and every where, at every time. So it's good to have friends. What is there to complain about? Why write a r.a.n.t. about friends?

The problem is, sometimes F is for fire that burns down the whole town, U is for Uranium bombs, N is for No survivors. Oddly, sometimes friends start living by this credo. Everything is drama with them, there is always someone they are burning down and no one is saved from their wrath. It can be daunting. These are the same friends who suddenly, and sometimes for no discernible reason, are no longer your friends. I call these Forgotten Friends. As if they forgot they were your friend. It's an odd phenomenon. Suddenly they are no longer there for you. Texts can go unanswered, phone messages will be ignored. A friend of mine recently returned a text I sent them with, "Who is this?" Did they forget who I was? I was shocked. Did they delete my contact? And why did they do so? I replied, "Sorry, I must have the wrong number". I assumed if they were just joking they would let me know, but I never received a text back. I later learned they were indeed joking. Two weeks later! Wow, that makes you feel special. I have a hard time understanding this. I might need help trying to figure this one out.

So, as a special treat today, I decided to call in my good friend Professor Sanee. For those unaware, she is the J.A.Scott Blog resident psychologist and humour expert. Below is a transcript of our Skype chat from last night.


Jeffrey Scott: Good evening Professor.

Professor Sanee: Good evening Mr. Scott.

JS: Tomorrow I'm preparing an article about friendships and how the loss of one can happen. I'd like to get your thoughts.

PS: Yes, I got your email. I've boiled it down to three main reasons. The first is no communication.

JS: Isn't no communication the result of a loss of friendship? (I was actually trying to make a joke).

PS: It would be more precise to say communication has failed completely with the loss of a friendship. But the loss of a friend starts with poor communication. For whatever reason, two friends sometimes talk less and less with each other. The reason for this can be one of two things. The first is misunderstanding.

JS: Who is that?

PS: Who is who?

JS: Miss Understanding. (I laugh at my own joke. She is not amused. For someone with a degree in humour, she sometimes seems like she has no sense of one.)

PS: Not Miss Understanding. Misunderstanding.

JS: Sorry, I misunderstood you.

PS: Did you want me to continue? We can tell each other jokes for the hour if you'd prefer. I know a great one about a deaf horse and a man in a gorilla suit.

JS: Sorry, please continue.

PS: As we've just demonstrated, sometimes misunderstandings occur. Usually, they are pretty small and petty, but sometimes it not or gets blown out of proportion. Unfortunately, ego's get involved and even if one person is ready to be forgiving, some times both are not. If one friend is unable or unwilling to forgive another for a past discretion, the relationship is tarnished. This results in poor communication, resulting in the loss of a friend.

JS: So what's the second reason for a loss of communication?

PS: Change my dear. People change over time. What is first important in a relationship at a young age, is not always important years later. If you find you and your friend are have less and less in common, you talk less and less. And that leads to....

JS: Poor communication?

PS: Correct. Resulting in?

JS: The loss of a friend.

PS: Now you've got it. So those are the three main reasons I've discovered for the loss of a friend. Change of interests, misunderstanding and poor communication.

JS: Well, I appreciate you taking the time to discuss this matter with me. It's always good to get a professional opinion once in awhile.

PS: I'm always willing to help. Will that be all?

JS: Yes, I think so. Thanks again.

PS: I'll bill you at the standard rate for our usual sessions.

JS: Oh, I thought this one was gratis.

PS: See what I mean? Poor communication. Arrivederci

She signs off Skype and I'm left wondering if she's joking or not. With Professor Sanee, you never know.

Some questions for discussion:
Have you ever lost a friend for some unexplained reason?
Ever have a humorous miscommunication happen?
Do you use Skype or something similar to chat with friends, family or colleagues?

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Professor Sanee resides in Italy
and teaches the course 'the
Ethics of Humour' at I.M.A.
She's also author of the book,
"Why Isn't Anyone Laughing?"

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

R.a.n.t. of week 01/11/15

To come or not to come? That is the question for this week. When invited to a friends house for dinner (or other function), do you accept? And if so, what are the reasons for you to not accept? For me, it's usually dependant on whether I have previous plans or not. In some cases, I'm just not in the mood. To some degree, it might have something to do with whose inviting me and who I'll likely encounter there. If it's a very close friend, I know who they associate with and will be more likely to go. If it's a lesser known friend, I may be hesitant. But that doesn't mean I'm going to exclude myself right out. So the next question arises, "Who's all coming?" The problem is, is this a question you want to ask the host? And if so, when? I thought about answering these questions myself, but then I remember I have a friend who writes for a magazine that addresses a lot of these questions for young girls. So I decided to Skype her and ask a few questions. Below is the transcribed conversation we had. It's only been amended slightly.

Jeffrey Scott: "How are things in Canada?"

Jenni Long: "Cold"

JS: "But you're personality warms everyone up, right?"

JL: "Uh huh" (Looks impatient, I decide to get to the point)

JS: "This week I'm writing an article..."

JL: "In your blog."

JS: "..... Yes. I'm writing an article on my blog having to deal with etiquette and I thought this was right up your alley. Do you have your bowling ball handy?" (Failed attempt at a joke. She ignores it, per usual.)

JL: "So what's the question? I don't have a lot of time."

JS: "Is it taboo to ask the host of a party you are invited to, who's coming?"

JL: "It depends. Are they asking before or after they have accepted or declined?"

JS: "Does it make a difference?"

JL: "Yes, as does the reason they are asking. There might be a good reason they are asking. If they want to know who's coming after they have accepted, they may be wanting to know in case they want to car-pool. Or they may want to avoid mentioning the party to others who are not invited. If they ask the question after declining, they may also be wondering so they don't mention the party in front of others. Generally, it's a good idea to let your guests know who's coming, for whatever reason they might have. Does that answer your question?"

JS: "Sort of, but you also said the reason may be different if they are asking before they accept or decline. That's primarily what I'm curious about. Are they basing their decision to come depending on who's coming to the party? And if so, what are your thoughts on that? I'd feel slighted if a person were to decide not to come after they found out who was coming. As if my companionship isn't enough motivation for them to come."

JL: "Again, the person may be asking before they accept fearing someone may be there they don't want to run into. I can understand why you might feel the way you do, but ultimately, they are looking out for themselves and if they decide not to come, they are the ones missing out. So I can understand why they might ask that before they decide to accept or decline. But for the record, and I don't believe I'm going to say this, I agree with you. It's poor taste to ask someone who's coming before they decide to accept. If they feel uncomfortable later, they can politely call and excuse themselves."

JS: "Okay, thanks for answering the question for me."

JL: "Let me know how the blog post goes."

JS: "Feel free to check it out. Remember, you are always welcome to write another guest article for the blog."

JL: "I'll keep that in mind. Well, I gotta go. Have some more editing to do on the latest edition of the magazine. We have a new writer, so that means I have a lot of work to do."

JS: "Well, have fun with that. Talk to you later."

(Insert weird noise Scype makes when someone hangs up on you).

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Jenni Long is a writer and editor
of the Canadian children's magazine
'Fille Forte'. That being said, her
thoughts do not necessarily reflect
those of myself.