There Can Be Only One

R.a.n.t. of month March 2016 (Additional)

Once again, March Madness is upon us. And once again, I have no interest in who's playing or who's winning. But that's not going to stop my third annual NCAA Sweet 16 Basketball Breakdown. If you've read my picks in the past, you'll probably already be aware I know next to nothing about basketball "stats or statistics" (As Michael Scott would say). My biggest gripe in the past is being unsure how people can actually fill out a bracket and feel confident in their picks. I know nothing about the teams playing and last year I had three teams in the final four. I still ultimately lost. But perhaps I'll do better this year. Or perhaps you'll be the one mad at me, since I am making a mockery of the whole bracket picks, or whatever it's called. Anyway, enough chatter, it's time for me to decide who I think will advance and why.

Sweet 16
Maryland Terrapins vs. Kansas Jayhawks- Winner: Jayhawks. Not only do they have a jazzier looking Heckle and Jeckle mascot, but a Terrapin is a turtle. Is it not? Come one Maryland! Don't make this so easy for me.

Miami Hurricanes vs. Villanova Wildcats - Winner: Wildcats. My old High School mascot was also the Wildcats, so how could I choose anything else? Especially in the first round? The Hurricanes will most likely blow away or peter out before they hit land.

Duke Blue Devils vs. Oregon Ducks - Winner: Blue Devils. I once had a dream about a weird blue devil like creature. I never knew where that dream came from. Perhaps I had seen this mascot as a child and it scared me. But if it scared me, it's sure to scare a duck.

Texas A&M Aggies vs.  Oklahoma Sooners - Winner: Sooners. When I was a child, we used to play marbles on the playground all the time. My favourites were the aggies, but then a bully wanted them so he beat me up and took them from me. So Aggies have bad memories for me.

Indiana Hoosiers vs. North Carolina Tar Heels - Winner: Tar Heels. I love the colour blue and their logo is blue. That's it. So sue me.

Wisconsin Badgers vs. Notre Dame Fighting Irish - Winner: Badgers. Come on, I live in Wisconsin. Why wouldn't I pick my home state team? Sure, the Fighting Irish are tough, but you don't want to back a Badger into a corner. Trust me.

Iowa State Cyclones vs. Virginia Cavaliers - Winner: Cyclones. You can't truly fight against the forces of nature. Would that apply to Basketball teams as well? I'm not sure, but better to be safe than sorry.

Gonzaga Bulldogs vs. Syracuse Orange  - Winner: Bulldogs. I was attacked by a bulldog, it was vicious and I hated it. I also had an orange soda once. It wasn't the best tasting, but at least it wasn't vicious.



Elite 8
Kansas Jayhawks vs. Villanova Wildcats -Winner: Kansas Jayhawks. Last round I picked the Wildcats because they reminded me of my High School team. But what High School team can rival a College team?

Duke Blue Devils vs. Oklahoma Sooners - Winner: Duke Blue Devils. I'm about to head for the evening. If I don't want that Blue Devil to be in my dreams again. I should probably choose them to win this round. Perhaps I'll finish this in the morning.

North Carolina Tar Heels vs. Wisconsin Badgers - Winner: North Carolina Tar Heels. I was informed that it is bad form to choose your favourite team to win. Because it can jinx their playing. I can certainly see that point. If I were to pick Badgers, then they would all suddenly play horribly. Yep, that makes perfect sense to me.

Iowa State Cyclones vs. Gonzaga Bulldogs - Winner: Gonzaga Bulldogs. I've never had to live through a cyclone, but I have been attacked by a bulldog. Oh right, I mentioned that before, didn't I? Well, I don't think I told you I was attacked by a dog twice in my life. So the reasoning still holds for me.


Final 4
Kansas Jayhawks vs. Duke Blue Devils - Winner: Kansas Jayhawks. Birds are amazing creatures. Sure, I could be threatened in my dreams by the blue devil mascot, but I could also be threatened in real life with a massive amount of birds. It's happened before! Or was that just a film? 
North Carolina Tar Heels vs. Gonzaga Bulldogs - Winner: North Carolina Tar Heels. I said I was only attacked by a dog two times. After that, perhaps the dog gave up the fight. Much like how this battle will likely turn out.

Championship Game
Kansas Jayhawks vs. North Carolina Tar Heels - Winner: Kansas Jayhawks. The court will be all tarred up from those tarheels, which will slow everyone down. Or not. The Jayhawks are birds and can just fly around the court. Wait! Why do I keep confusing he mascots with the actual players? I don't know, I should probably not do that. It's really a stupid way to pick a team. But, it's late and I've made my picks already. I'm not going to change them.

Mad As A Hatter

R.a.n.t. of week 03/22/15

It's March, I'm mad. You know what that means don't you? That's right. It's time for the official Jeffrey Scott March Madness NCAA bracket selection. As you'll recall from last year, I'm not a basketball person. In fact, I probably know less about college basketball than I do about cosmic string theories. Which admittedly, is not much. From what I gather, they are theories, and quite possibly strings in space. Correct? No? Well, now you've got a good idea how well I know college basketball. So why do I do it? Why do I fill out a sweet 16 bracket? Why does anyone climb mountains? Because they can. And because it's fun. Or at least it's something better to do than poke a sharp stick in my eye. Which is something a person who's mad as a hatter might be prone to do. Gotta love mercury sickness. So where was I? Oh, that's right. March madness and my NCAA bracket. Below is how I predict the rest of the tournament will go. My method of selection can't be any worse than anyone else, can it?

Sweet 16
West Virginia vs. Kentucky - Winner, West Virginia because their logo kind of looks like the Wonder Woman symbol. And I'm a big comic book fan. (Like you couldn't figure that out already).
Wichita St. vs. Notre Dame - Winner, Notre Dame because their mascot looks like he's fighting mad. And being mad is sort of the theme this week. Isn't it?
North Caroline vs. Wisconsin - Winner, Wisconsin because there's $350,000 buried under the Big W. Or so I"m told in 'It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. That's MAD times 4.
Xavier vs. Arizona - Winner, Xavier because last year I picked Arizona and they didn't win, I would be mad to pick them again.
N.C. State vs. Louisville - Winner, Louisville because the Cardinal is a mad (or angry) bird. (Get it)?
Michigan St. vs. Oklahoma - Winner, Michigan St. because the name Sooners is such a ridiculous name it makes me mad.
Utah vs. Duke - Winner, Duke because the mascot reminds me of a weird dream I once had.
UCLA vs. Gonzaga - Winner, Gonzaga. Mostly because it's fun to say and all my friends think I"m not a fan of dogs.

Elite 8
West Virginia vs. Notre Dame - Winner, West Virginia because if Wonder Woman were real she'd disapprove of the word 'dame'. Never call chicks, dames.
Wisconsin vs. Xavier - Winner, Wisconsin because I still haven't found that money and need them to stick around till I can find it under that Big W. Okay, it's a running gag, don't be mad.
Louisville vs Michigan St. - Winner, Michigan because when I think of Sparta, I think of madness. And this is madness, after all.
Duke vs. Gonzaga - Winner, Duke because I'm not a dog person. So yes, my friends are right.

Final 4
West Virginia vs. Wisconsin - Winner, Wisconsin because truthfully Wonder Woman isn't real and she really isn't playing for West Virginia. However Wisconsin is real and I believe so is the Big W.
Michigan vs. Duke - Winner, Michigan because I can't think of any more jokes for either. Einney Meinney, Meinney, Mo!

Championship Game
Wisconsin vs. Michigan - Winner, Michigan because I've always heard you are supposed to bet against your team. Because if you bet for them, they will certainly lose. And though I'm not putting any money on this game, I always root for the home team. Errrrr, but not this time, because they are going to lose. Know what I mean? They will definitely lose. Okay? Got it? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean?

Madness in March

R.a.n.t. for week of 03/23/14

Lately, everyone seems to be talking basketball. Radio morning DJ's, friends, sports reporters, bartenders. That's everyone, right? However I have to make a confession, and if anyone out there knows me at all, will not be surprised by the following revelation. I'm not much into basketball. To be honest, all I know about our local team is they are called the Bucks and don't win very often. As for who plays on the team, not sure I could name a single player. And that's professional basketball. This March Madness is all about college basketball. With so many colleges, and so many people who apparently love basketball, I have no idea how they devise standings for 64 slots. The question continually being asked is, 'how are your brackets'? I've never taken the time to fill out a bracket. I have no idea how to rate teams of ball players from colleges in my own state, let alone from other states. But if you really want to see a bracket filled out by me, okay. But how I decide who wins will be completely different from how most other people will rate the teams. But at the end of the championship, will I have done any worse than anyone else?

Sweet 16
Florida vs UCLA - Winner, Florida because the alligator mascot looks cool.
Dayton vs Stanford - Winner, Stanford because the S reminds me of Superman.
Virginia vs Michigan St. - Winner, Virginia because I used to have a friend named Virginia.
Iowa St. vs Connecticut - Winner, Connecticut because huskies are cool.
Arizona vs SDSU - Loser, Sdsu. Mostly 'cause it sounds like a sneeze. What is a sdsu anyway?
Baylor vs Wisconsin - Loser, Baylor. Sounds like a bear needing aspirin.
Kentucky vs Louisville - Loser, Louisville. It sounds like a bat, and aren't Cardinals baseball?
Tennessee vs Michigan - Loser, Michigan. Pick 'M' to lose since it'll irritate one of my friends.

Elite 8
Florida vs Stanford - Alligator or Superman? Easy, Stanford wins.
Virginia vs Connecticut - Old friend or a dog? Always friend, Virginia wins.
Arizona vs Wisconsin - As much as I love Wisconsin, I love friends more, Arizona wins.
Kentucky vs Tennessee - Just had a shot of Jack Daniels, so Tennessee wins.

Final 4
Stanford vs Virginia - Virginia will win. She knows how to use Kryptonite.
Arizona vs Tennessee - Tennessee will win. They don't drink and Arizona will get hooched up.

Championship Game
The same tactic Virginia used last time (Kryptonite) won't work against Tennessee. But Virginia won't fall for the same trick Tennessee last used either (Jack Daniels). It'll come down to the wire, but I think Virginia will be victorious. At least they won the coin toss I just performed.