Never Seen It, Never Done It, Never Bought the T-Shirt

R.a.n.t. of week 02/22/15

I talked a few weeks ago about being put in a box. I dislike being put in a box because I'm more than what I appear and have many interests. Certainly more than some of my family and friends seem to know. I recall one friend finding it odd I was in love with demolition derbies because I've never appeared to be an auto lover. A few times this has even happened to me and various members of my family. Do people naturally assume someone is uninterested because they never discuss it? The point is, I can have an interest even if I don't mention it. There can be various reasons for this, but the main reason is I never find an opening to discuss the particular subject. And even if I have an interest, I may not go when there is an event focusing on the subject. I find myself missing out on these events because I'm a person who does not like doing things alone. Yes, this surprises some people because I've travelled to Europe alone. But Europe is an exception rather than the rule. And when I hear people talking of their favourite restaurants they are surprised when I say I've never been there. It doesn't mean I don't have an interest in the restaurant, I just don't like going to restaurants alone. Same as with going to, say, an auto show. Though I'm sure I'd enjoy going, invariably I find going alone is never as much fun as when going with someone. The second time I went to Europe, I went with a friend. Some of my favourite times are reliving the experiences with him. I have no one I can be nostalgic with regarding my first trip. Because I went alone. Perhaps next time I talk with my friend about our trip, I'll bring up a few things I did on my trip and pass it off as something we both did. I'll just blame his memory when he doesn't recall going to the top of the Eiffel Tower with me.

Early Morning

The city, early morning.
Leaves swaying in the breeze,
rustling,
calming.

Bird of the night, random caw.
A car whizzing past,
then stillness,
alone.

Distant hum of a factory.
Passing train on the tracks.
Fade away,
Silence.

J.A.Scott

Silent, Dark & Cold

I walk into the room
and what do I hear?

Not a single welcome,
No one to say hello.
It is silence that I hear.

I walk into the room
and what do I see?

Not a single greeting,
or 'how was your day',
Darkness is all I see.

I walk into the room
and how do I feel?

Not a thing inviting,
no fire to warm this soul,
The cold is what I feel.

J.A.Scott

Dining Alone

R.a.n.t. of week 09/22/13

It's time for din-din and the cupboard is bare. Sure, you could just run out to go grocery shopping, then come home and prepare a mediocre dinner. But who has time for all that? Okay, maybe everyone beyond me, but by the time I get home from work it's about 5:30 or 6:00. Usually, I'm very tired and making dinner is not something I'd rather do when I'm tired. So what's a guy to do? Eating out is the obvious next option. If you are like me, eating fast food won't do the trick. Everything seems to be made with Grade F meat (Mostly circus animals with some filler). So something above fast food is the place to be. For most people, it's not a problem, but for someone like me who has a healthy dose of social anxiety, it's not always easy. I just feel kind of funny dining along, even though many friends and family tell me there is nothing wrong with it. (Oh my gosh, Jeff was dining alone last night! Not that there is anything wrong with that). So what are the pros and cons when it come to dining alone? Yes, I forced myself to think of a few pros and cons for when I have to dine alone.

Deciding Alone:
Pro - No committee meeting, long debates or haggling over where to go.
Con - No one to bounce ides off of. No influx of immediate suggestions. I'm a person who is very unoriginal when it comes to thinking of somewhere to eat. Can't even count the number of times I've heard one of my sisters tell me about a new place they've tried and I just scratch my head trying to figure out where they hear about some of the restaurants they've been too. Usually, I'll just resort to going somewhere I've been many times before. As hinted at, I get very anxious about finding a new place and entering, not knowing what to expect.

Sitting Alone:
Pro - A good time to be one with your thoughts, or Iphone.
Con - I always feel like I'm being looked at and judged. "He's dining alone, he must have no friends", "I feel bad for him, he's got no wife or girlfriend", "How sad is that, how pitiful, he's such a nobody". Okay, maybe unrealistic thoughts, but in my own mind I hear those slung in my direction. I told you, I have social anxiety and that's part of it.

Waiting Alone:
Pro - No having to wait for others to finish eating? When I'm done, I can just leave. (Once my bill is paid).
Con - Sitting alone and waiting as my bill is brought to me and/or processed. By the time my food has been consumed, I'm just about done with my thoughts. Mostly because I generally bring a notebook along with me to take notes in, especially when my thoughts are centred towards what I'm going to be writing or r.a.n.t.ing about next.

Example:
This past week I made plans with one of my friends to visit another friend who just started a job in a restaurant. As always, (I say always, I mean in this case), plans fell through. Instead of deciding to not go, because it was something I was looking forward to, I opted to go outside my comfort zone and 'just do it'. Confidentially, it kind of helped I was hoping to have a bad experience so I would have an awesome r.a.n.t. tale to tell, but it didn't quite turn out that way. Certainly, no horror story. And I can't say it wasn't worth writing home about, because after all, I just finished writing about it. So it can be done! I can dine alone. I'm just not very happy with it.

Cactus

Cactus standing all alone,
It’s a wonder it has grown.
In the parched desert heat,
graciously admits defeat.
A sandy waste is its domain,
vacant and desolate terrain.
Keeping company with none,
silent, doleful, under the sun.

J.A.Scott

Going It Alone

R.a.n.t. of week 05/12/13

Sometimes it's nice to be by yourself. No one to answer to, no one telling you what to do, no one you have to share your chocolate cake and milk with. But there are times, it's not so great. One small example would be when you have a bad back and really need a back rub. Sometimes a back-rub can be a somewhat magical thing. Instantly making you feel better physically, and putting you in a better mood. But missing out on that is nothing compared to the other negative aspect of going everything alone. I.E., having to deal with painful incidents in your life and you have no one to help build you up, console you or 'be there for you'. Well, I mean unless you want to go external. The internet and smart phones make all our best friends and family quickly within reach. But whose there for you on a regular basis when you go everything alone? When you hear about a friend who has died, who is there to grieve with you? When you are dealing with a father who is dying, who is there to console you? The answer, no one. Not unless, as I stated before, you reach out and schedule a time to be with some of your friends. And ultimately, when you are down, who really wants to schedule a time with someone, just so you can cry on their shoulder, cry in their beer, or knock their milk over and cry about that?