A is for April

R.a.n.t. of day 04/01/15

April is a month that, for many people, starts as a joke. Jokes imply good humour and levity. But I would rather find fault. Finding fault is not humorous, but it's what I do best. In April, Spring is just starting out. As any good Wisconsinite knows, that means the weather is unpredictable. What will April bring us this year? Snow on the 30th? Showers mid-month? Sunny and soothing 55° next week? It's all possible, every day in April. Now you may call me a fool, but I swear one day in Wisconsin a few years back we had all three weather conditions happen on the same day.

April also reminds me of a co-worker I had many years ago. The month of April reminds me of her because her name was April. Duh. None of the women in the office liked her much because she treated everyone like they worked for her. She was actually a new employee so this attitude confounded me and angered the ladies. She was also running to the bathroom every half hour to adjust her make-up and spritz on more perfume. She talked endlessly about her rich boyfriend, as if she were trying to impress us or something. She only lasted a few months and left mid May. The day after she left, I brought in doughnuts for everyone and put up a sign declaring it was 'April-Fest in May'. I think I got a written warning for that one, but everyone laughed at my joke so it was worth it.


Some questions for discussion:
What's the craziest weather you've endured?
Who was the most obnoxious person you've had to deal with?
What's the worst joke ever played on you?

No, the events above were not a joke. They are absolutely true, to the best of my recollection.

♫Whistle While You Work♪

R.a.n.t. of week 08/19/12
Everyone has something that really irritates them. My dad hates the sound of Styrofoam, especially when rubbed together. My brother seems to break out when there is work to be done. Still others rant about other motorists (well okay, I do that also). But what I'm talking about today are the whistlers. Why does it drive me nuts? I'm not entirely sure. For example, I'll be working on whatever is piled on my desk at the moment when my focus is suddenly drawn away by someone casually walking past, whistling a happy tune. More often than not, it's a nameless tune. Truth be told, most of the tunes I hear whistled I couldn't name if you gave me 100 notes. (Yes, an old joke for anyone who can remember the 'Name that Tune' game-show). Then there was the time the friendly clerk at the supermarket check-out was happily whistling away as he rang up all my items, absentmindedly tossing each item into each other. PS - I love squished bread and broken eggs, who doesn't? Oh that's right, everyone.

But I'm not a complete hater. To illustrate my point, I've compiled a list I call:

The top 5 whistlers of all time.

5. Willie Whistle

Helping children safely cross the street for years. His PSA's were invaluable when parents refused to teach their children how to properly cross the street.

4. Whistler

Who's got the need for speed? And who doesn't have the need for a speeding ticket? This helpful device solves both problems.

3. Whistler's Mother

As an artist myself, (admittedly of a different sort) I have to admire the fine quality of this painting. I'd proudly hang it in my living room if something were to ever happen to my print of Cosmo Kramer.

2. Tea Kettle

Anyone for a cuppa? I've never really been fond of tea, but I do love to put the kettle on. Something about the whistling steam. In a way, it makes me feel like I'm actually doing something in the kitchen besides ignoring it.

1. Snow White

What's not to love about Snow White? She's this beautiful women that breaks into your house to cook and clean for you. Sign me up!

Will work for..... WORK?

R.a.n.t. of week 07/25/04

One thing worse than going to work, is having no work once you get there. Keeping busy is the surest way to make the clock speed along. It's like the tea kettle conundrum. If you're making tea and wait by the kettle for it to start whistling, it's never going to happen. But the second you step away to blow your nose, the kettle immediately screams for your attention. The real ironic bit is I work for two small companies as the office manager. Despite being small companies, I generally keep busy with all the office work handed to me; A/P, A/R, collections, payroll, billing, H.R. and I.T. With all those responsibilities, you'd think I'm consistently inundated with enough work for an army of clone troopers.

As an FYI, during slow times I DO walk around asking others if they need help. Turns out, everyone else are so busy they don’t usually have time to find me something to do. Granted, having nothing to do isn't always the norm. It's always feast or famine around here. Then there is the additional worry, (outside of time grinding to a halt), if I don’t look busy, I look expendable. I don't want to be expendable, because one thing worse than having no work while at work, is have no work to go to in the first place.
Reprinted 10/26/12





*PLEASE NOTE - I recently found R.a.n.t. articles posted to an older website I once owned. I've decided to reprint them in my current run, but have decided to edit the articles. For comparisons sake, I've decided to run the unedited versions as well. In a way, it's kind of fun to see how my writing has changed in eight years.


Original R.a.n.t.
The rant for this week is really interesting. There have been various times at my present job where I’m walking around looking for work to do. You would think being the office manager of two companies where I do A/P, A/R, collections, payroll, billing, HR, IT, and many other things, that I would be inundated with a plethora of work. It’s not like I don’t try to find work either. Sometimes I walk around and ask others for work. Everyone else is so busy that they don’t always have time to give me work. Mind you, this is not the norm. Feast or famine, lots of times I AM deluged with work. But I always manage to get it under control. And no I don’t file it all in the circular bin I take care of it all. So why would this be a rant you ask? Yes, I know some people would love a job where you have nothing to do. But you have to remember, if you don’t look busy at work, you look expendable. Also trying to look busy an entire day where you have nothing to do can get very boring and make for a very slow day. Sigh, what’s a guy to do? Anyway, I just ate up a few minutes of time; I suppose I should get back to looking for some work to do. I have to look busy you know.