Saturday, April 24, 2010

Love & Loss (Part 24)

The wedding was at 2:30. By 2:35 I was getting a little worried. 2:40 there were murmurs and everyone was looking around. Finally at 2:45, her mother walked up the aisle. She just came from pavilion Jenni was supposedly in getting ready. She had an envelope in her hand and angrily shoved it at me. I was perplexed and worried. As you might have guessed, it essentially started, 'Dear John'.

If looks could kill, her mother certainly would have killed me. I was stood up, and her mother was angry with me. It wasn't till later I learned why she was so upset with me. Jenni didn't just skip the wedding, she didn't just run away from me, she ran away from everything, everyone. Was it the commitment? Did it have something to do with her abduction of years ago? I never did find out.

I was devastated after she left. Why did she leave? Her family hated me and the note didn't say much. I did my best to look for her, but she didn't want to be found. Something inside me felt broken, and I couldn't fix it. One night in '93 I found myself at the lake, one of our favorite places to walk. With the Patsy Cline song 'Walkin After Midnight' (her favorite song) playing in my head, I fell to my knees thinking of her. I burst out in tears, shattered.

I walked to the nearest pub I could find with a jukebox. The only Patsy Cline song I could find was 'Crazy'. I played it twice in a row crying over a beer. I've heard of hitting rock bottom. That was certainly how I was feeling.

Everything went downhill from there. Is it possible to get lower than rock bottom? I certainly was finding out. By 1994 I was withdrawn, I no longer felt like myself. I stopped writing and put everything on hold. I was working at a mediocre job, making a mediocre wage. Thoughts of Jenni still consumed me and I followed every lead I could. The more I couldn't find her, the emptier I became.

Part 25 of 30

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