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Tuesday, January 20, 2015

The Gift

It says I have
a little gift.
A music CD?
Taylor Swift?

Or perhaps,
a book of Troy?
Concert tickets?
Nerdy Toy?

Hoping that
it's something fun.
Or a cash prize
I have won.

Open now,
what do I see?
Words on paper,
A bap recipe.

J.A.Scott

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Free Gift Inside!

R.a.n.t. of week 01/18/15
Did that get your attention? It usually catches mine. Who wouldn't want a free gift? Well, I suppose it depends on what the gift is. One of the magazines I'm subscribed too, (Weight Watchers), from time to time sends a renewal letter with a "free gift" inside. The 'gift' invariably turns out to be a recipe for some dish I'm unlikely to try. Oh, a few have interested me, don't get me wrong. But it's hardly a gift I start jumping up and down about. Is this a gift I can re-gift to someone else? Perhaps a White Elephant gift?

This time of the year I also get a lot of emails from businesses, (mostly restaurants), with exciting news they are sending me a gift. This time the 'gift' turns out to be something along the lines of a free entrée or dinner with the purchase of another meal. Can you say coupon? Good, I knew you could. Now, let's not get carried away. When I receive these email and snail mails I'm not expecting to open them up and finding £100 inside, a Tardis keychain or a message from Diana Krall inviting me out for dinner. No, I don't expect that. I expect exactly what I find. So essentially, this r.a.n.t. involves the false promise or false expectation of receiving something I'm going to enjoy.

Still, a gift is a gift and one shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. Unless you're from Troy. Then you might want to inspect the gift before you bring it into your city. Talk about a free gift inside!!!




Bap Recipe Below!*


Ingredients
Serves: 10
400g (14 oz) bread flour
3 tablespoons caster sugar
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons dried milk powder
225ml (8 fl oz) warm water (45 C)
2 tablespoons butter, softened
7g (1/4 oz) dried active baking yeast
1 egg white
2 tablespoons water

Method
Prep:1hr20min › Cook:15min › Ready in:1hr35min

Place the bread flour, sugar, salt, milk powder, water, butter, and yeast in the pan of the bread machine in the order recommended by the manufacturer. Set on Dough cycle; press Start.

Remove risen dough from the machine, punch down and turn out onto a lightly floured surface. Divide the dough into 10 equal pieces, and form into rounds. Place the rounds on lightly greased baking trays. Cover with a damp cloth, and let rise until doubled in volume, about 40 minutes. Meanwhile, preheat oven to 180 C / Gas mark 4.

In a small bowl, mix together the egg white and 2 tablespoons water; brush lightly onto the baps. Bake in the preheated oven for 15 minutes, or until the baps are golden brown.

*Free recipe stolen from: AllRecepes.co.uk

Friday, January 16, 2015

R.S.V.P.

Dinner -
Party -
An evening plan.

Prep the food,
Buy the wine,
Make a list.

Respond -
Please -
R.S.V.P.

Be on time,
Kiss the host,
Associate.

- Jenni Long

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jenni Long is a writer and editor
of the Canadian children's magazine
'Fille Forte'. That being said, her
thoughts do not necessarily reflect
those of myself.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Into the Future


I went to visit
a future time.
With retro shops
and not much crime.

I could quickly
prepare my food.
A six second pizza
for a hungry mood.

A calming ride
though stressed with loads.
But where I go,
I won't need roads.

Floating free in
that day and age.
'cause hover tech
is all the rage.

I bought a gift
with a quick thumb scan.
A sports stat book
and a simple plan.

But then was told
that would be wrong.
Future knowledge
where it doesn't belong.

So heading home
the Deloreon flew.
Hoping the time-line
wouldn't skew.

J.A.Scott

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

R.a.n.t. of week 01/11/15
To come or not to come? That is the question for this week. When invited to a friends house for dinner (or other function), do you accept? And if so, what are the reasons for you to not accept? For me, it's usually dependant on whether I have previous plans or not. In some cases, I'm just not in the mood. To some degree, it might have something to do with whose inviting me and who I'll likely encounter there. If it's a very close friend, I know who they associate with and will be more likely to go. If it's a lesser known friend, I may be hesitant. But that doesn't mean I'm going to exclude myself right out. So the next question arises, "Who's all coming?" The problem is, is this a question you want to ask the host? And if so, when? I thought about answering these questions myself, but then I remember I have a friend who writes for a magazine that addresses a lot of these questions for young girls. So I decided to Skype her and ask a few questions. Below is the transcribed conversation we had. It's only been amended slightly.

Jeffrey Scott: "How are things in Canada?"

Jenni Long: "Cold"

JS: "But you're personality warms everyone up, right?"

JL: "Uh huh" (Looks impatient, I decide to get to the point)

JS: "This week I'm writing an article..."

JL: "In your blog."

JS: "..... Yes. I'm writing an article on my blog having to deal with etiquette and I thought this was right up your alley. Do you have your bowling ball handy?" (Failed attempt at a joke. She ignores it, per usual.)

JL: "So what's the question? I don't have a lot of time."

JS: "Is it taboo to ask the host of a party you are invited to, who's coming?"

JL: "It depends. Are they asking before or after they have accepted or declined?"

JS: "Does it make a difference?"

JL: "Yes, as does the reason they are asking. There might be a good reason they are asking. If they want to know who's coming after they have accepted, they may be wanting to know in case they want to car-pool. Or they may want to avoid mentioning the party to others who are not invited. If they ask the question after declining, they may also be wondering so they don't mention the party in front of others. Generally, it's a good idea to let your guests know who's coming, for whatever reason they might have. Does that answer your question?"

JS: "Sort of, but you also said the reason may be different if they are asking before they accept or decline. That's primarily what I'm curious about. Are they basing their decision to come depending on who's coming to the party? And if so, what are your thoughts on that? I'd feel slighted if a person were to decide not to come after they found out who was coming. As if my companionship isn't enough motivation for them to come."

JL: "Again, the person may be asking before they accept fearing someone may be there they don't want to run into. I can understand why you might feel the way you do, but ultimately, they are looking out for themselves and if they decide not to come, they are the ones missing out. So I can understand why they might ask that before they decide to accept or decline. But for the record, and I don't believe I'm going to say this, I agree with you. It's poor taste to ask someone who's coming before they decide to accept. If they feel uncomfortable later, they can politely call and excuse themselves."

JS: "Okay, thanks for answering the question for me."

JL: "Let me know how the blog post goes."

JS: "Feel free to check it out. Remember, you are always welcome to write another guest article for the blog."

JL: "I'll keep that in mind. Well, I gotta go. Have some more editing to do on the latest edition of the magazine. We have a new writer, so that means I have a lot of work to do."

JS: "Well, have fun with that. Talk to you later."

(Insert weird noise Scype makes when someone hangs up on you).

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jenni Long is a writer and editor
of the Canadian children's magazine
'Fille Forte'. That being said, her
thoughts do not necessarily reflect
those of myself.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

It's 2015, Do You Know Where Your Hydrator Is?

R.a.n.t. of week 01/04/15
According to the film, Back To The Future II, 2015 is an exciting time for us. We have a plethora of awesome inventions making our life simpler, cooler and more enjoyable. Take the Black and Decker Food Hydrator. Gone are the days of heating up the oven to 350°, placing a frozen pizza in the oven and waiting twelve minutes. Now we simply place a dehydrated pizza into the hydrator (which is voice activated mind you), tell it to cook at level four and wait a mere twelve seconds before taking the piping hot pizza out, already sliced. The only draw-back of this model is it's not as fast as those new models which can accomplish the same task is just six seconds, but boy oh boy, your mother will sure know how to hydrate a pizza.

Unfortunately, a few days ago, I had a bad experience at Target. When I asked where I might find a food hydrator the sales clerk just laughed at me. So it appears Back to the Future lied to us! All those great inventions they promised us do not actually exist. Whoa! That's heavy! And yes, to all you who are about to point out to me that it's just a movie and I should not get overly excited about all this, I do know that. It's just a bit of fun. If you truly want to be over critical of my blog post, you can make like a tree and get out of here!


Other inventions we won't see in 2015.

Fashion (Part One) Self Adjusting Jacket
This brings new meaning to 'one size fits all'. No more worrying about finding a jacket that fits just right. Every jacket in 2015 will be the perfect fit. This particular one comes with the additional feature of drying itself, so never worry about being caught in the rain. (If that's a problem for you, perhaps you should pay more attention to the weather service.)


Fashion (Part Two) Ties
Gone are the boring days of wearing a single silk tie. Now we can wear two ties at once. Ever have a problem deciding which tie goes best with your suit? Now you don't have to decide, wear both ties. Or in a few rare occasions, you can still wear a single tie, just make sure the tie is invisible, or clear at the very least.


Fashion (Part Three) Nike w/ Power Laces
Never bend over to tie your shoes again. With Power Laces, you simply place your foot in the shoe and the power laces do the job for you. Comfortable and secure shoes are now the norm. Never be fooled that your shoes is untied ever again.


 Hover Tech (Part One) Automatic Dog Walker
Back in my day, when we had a dog, we had to take care of it. If the dog wanted to go out, we had to take him, when he went poo, we had to pick it up, when he wanted to be petted, we had to pet it. You kids are spoiled these days. You can have a dog and not have to give it any attention.


Hover Tech (Part Two) Hovercam
On the plus side, hovercams can go where they are needed as quickly as possible. Additionally, they can go to remote areas hard to get at. Having many on stand-by hovering over the city, they can be where the action is almost immediately. Bad news is, Jimmy Olsen is out of a job.


Hover Tech (Part Three) Hover Conversion
Tired of sitting in traffic on the roads? Get a hover conversion and you can sit in traffic in the air. Getting from point A to point B has never been easier, and you can get there as the crow flies. Goldie Wilson III can install an affordable conversion for only $39,999.95. BEWARE! Some con-artists will try to sell you a Hoover Conversion. Mayor Goldie Wilson wanted to clean up this town, but I don't think that was what he had in mind.


Hover Tech (Part Four) Hoverboard
Doing tricks and being slick was never easier. Whether you are using a Mattel, No Tech or Rising Sun brand, you are likely to find the right board for you. Just remember, a hoverboard does not work on water, unless you've got power. For that, I'd suggest the Pit-bull.


Holo Tech (Part One) Holobillboards
Remember back in the day when billboards were just large paper advertisements? Everything had to be written and there was no automatic updates when needed. With holobillboards, we can hear additional information about acquiring hover conversion and how things used to be in the past. Or how about automatic updates when our favourite team wins the World Series! I hear the Milwaukee Brewers are favoured to win in 2016.


Holo Tech (Part Two) Holomax Theater
Why just watch a movie when you can experience it? Holomax theaters make you feel like you are right in the thick of things. In Star Wars XII you can BE the Jedi. Indiana Jones VIII lets you accompany Indy on his perilous journeys. Go head to head with Rocky in Rocky XIII. Want to know what it's like to be eaten by a shark? See Jaws XIX. Be forewarned though, reviews say the shark still looks fake.


Binocular Card
Small enough to fit in your back pocket and advanced enough to zoom in clearly. Utilizing the photographic feature of this binocular card makes it perfect for bird watching. Get it? Bird watching? Well, my friends in the UK will understand.


Bionic Implants
We can rebuild man, we have the technology. Better, stronger, faster. Of course for peak performance, a decent upgrade can cost upwards of six million dollars. Or you can go the bargain basement route. Unfortunately, you get what you pay for and should expect a few short circuits in your bionic implants.


Garden Center
Tired of buying fruits at the super market only to have them go bad in a day or so? Of course not, you have the Garden Center. Fruits grown at home and preserved for just the moment you crave a bunch of grapes, apple or whatever else you decide to plant. No worries about the time it takes, the Garden Center does most of the work for you. Besides, you have extra time, you no longer have to walk the dog.


Master-Cook
Don't know how to cook? Who does? We have Master-Cooks now, so who has to? The Master-Cook is fully stocked with recipes of all sorts, helps with the preparing and cooking as well. Still having problems? Well, you can always hydrate a pizza.


Home Energy Reactor
"Never take the trash out again!" Remember that slogan when Mr. Fusion first came out? That caught every guys attention right away. But it's true, with your own home energy reactor you can turn your garbage into energy. Let the wife nag you all she wants about eating too many bananas and drinking too much beer. You know you are just doing your part to keep your homes energy level maxed out. Tell her to leave you alone and go watch her soaps.


Illuminated Parking
Back in the old days, you had to search hi and low for signs which indicated where you could or could not park. Not so any more. You'd have to be colour blind to get a ticket now. If the curb is blue - there's parking for you. If the curb is red - park up ahead.


Pepsi Perfect
Vitamin enriched soda. My grandfather had to eat cereal if he wanted to get all his daily allowance of vitamins and minerals. Now you can make Pepsi a 'Perfect' part of this complete dinner.


Rejuvenation Clinic
Add years to your life at a rejuvenation clinic. When you get a natural overhaul, you never again have to worry about a botched facelift. Are you looking for something simple like hair repair? We can do that. Or perhaps you need a spleen or colon replaced. Yes, we can do that do. You will feel and look years younger. Just don't spook the kids or animals when you get home with how much more different you'll look.


Scenery Channel
Technology that's really not that futuristic. The biggest problem is finding an actual need. Will watching a display screen over your window convince you you have been transported into a nicer neighbourhood, or one of your favourite locations overseas? Would the cost of the screen and the subscription to the scenery channel make you feel any more relaxed? Certainly the scenery channel repairmen won't. Typically they like to make fun of you and call you a chicken, for whatever reason.


Sleep Inducing Alpha Rhythm Generator
Ugggghhh, my wife hates me! After a hard day of work installing the scenery channel at losers house-holds, she makes me walk the dog, then put the kids to bed. Fortunately my sleep inducing alpha rhythm generator helps knock the kids out in ten seconds flat. Next she'll be asking me to hydrate a pizza as soon as I walk in the door. Oh great! Now she wants to talk about her day. I'll rant later, I need to go charge my sleep inducing alpha rhythm generator. Time for some quiet time. For her or for me, not sure which yet.


Automated Service Stations
Have your windows washed, oil changed, gas filled landing gear checked, all at the same time. Never before in history has going to the service station been any easier. And you never have to get out of your car. Compu-serve comes right to your window where you can pay with just a press of your thumb. Thank you. Please come again.


Thumbprint Technology
Once upon a time, we had to carry an odd assortment of items along with us wherever we went. Keys, credit cards, identification cards, money, so on and so forth. Now all we need is our thumb print. If we want to enter our homes, we just scan our thumb. Finished shopping at the store? Scan your thumb. Start our cars? Scan our thumb. Police need to know who we are if they find us tranked in a back alley somewhere? They can scan our thumb. Historical society badgering us for funds to preserve the clock tower? Just thumb them $100 bucks to shut them up. Transient begging us for money? Hit the road! Just be careful, there are thumb bandits out there. They won't steal your wallet, but they might steal your thumb.


Video Glasses
An essential part of any teenagers life. Video glasses make it easier to cut off the rest of the family and pretend they don't exist, than ever before. If you want to watch a few channels of television in privacy or you just want to chat with a friend or two. Check out our beautiful model displaying her video glasses. All the cool kids have one, and you have to believe that, because it's posted on the internet.


Video Waiter Simulacrum
Remember when Max Headroom was all the rage? No? Well, if you blinked in the 80s then you missed it. Despite that, these Max Headroom inspired video waiters are ready to serve you. Ronald Reagan is anxious to take your order. But watch out, Ayatollah Khomeini wants you to have the 'Hostage Special' and he doesn't care who he has to push out of the way to make sure you get exactly what you want, as long as it's what he wants you to have. A Michael Jackson video waiter is also available and he'll be thrilled to take your order too. Want an egg? He'll Beat It any way you want it. Sorry, was that joke Bad? Don't blame me, It was Billie Jean's fault. Can you fault her? It's only Human Nature. (These jokes just get worse and worse).


Video Phone
Another invention not so far off the mark. Scype anyone? However, a video phone is not exactly a standard feature in most homes, certainly not one that gives off personal details of who you are talking to. Seriously, do we really need to know how many kids our phone acquaintance has? Or their job, or address, or food preferences, or vital statistics or body measurements? No wonder Needles is such a jerk.


Weather Service
More reliable than the postal system, the weather service accurately predicts the weather to the tick. But it not only predicts the weather, it makes the weather. Worried about a coming blizzard? Don't be. All of this moisture coming up out of the Gulf is gonna push off to the east and hit Altoona. Do you remember life before the weather service? We also had to worry about sub-zero temperatures in the Winter. Glad that's not a problem any more.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Jeffrey Scott's - Best of the Blog - 2014

Good news and bad news this year. Then more bad news followed by mediocre news. Then there is... Oh never mind, let me just get to the point. Last year I challenged myself to have at least something produced in each category; r.a.n.t., poetry and photography. I gave it a good try for a few months, but soon found it to be quite the challenge. My blogging was so much of a challenge in fact, that for a few months the only entries offered were from a few guest bloggers. So I not only failed in my goal for the year but I almost allowed my blog to come to an end. But the good news is I didn't. Since my blog hiatus, I have strived to do what I do best, r.a.n.t. away. But I did do something different this year, I started to summarize each week with a poem. Like always, there are some I absolutely love, and others I totally despise. So which ones do I enjoy? And what is the best way for me to let you in on which I feel are the best and most entertaining blog entries for the past year? You guessed it, I've selected what I feel are the Best of the Blog of 2014. If you find a topic that interests you, just click the link and read away. I'll be very interested to hear what you think of it.

And, as always, leave a comment, share on your social media page, "like" it or just email me with your thoughts. I'm always looking for input, always looking for people who are willing to guest blog and always willing to post run on sentences. Thanks for reading. I truly hope you enjoy what you find here.


January
Photography
Fun With Colours - Experimented with photographing colours.
Poetry
Accidental Wrap - I hate when I spill my coffee.
R.A.N.T.
Chit Chat - I find it hard to "Chit-Chat"
Guest Blogger
(Professor Sanee) No Go Greyhound - Sanee describes a horrible experience on the bus. Awful and humorous at the same time.


February
Photography
Ground-hog Day Filming Location - Woodstock Illinois
R.A.N.T.
Super Bowl 48 Review - More precisely, commercial review.
Guest Blogger
(Jenni Long) Making Plans - Tips on being a responsible guest.


March
R.A.N.T.
Madness in March - I try my hand at guessing who will win March Madness. SPOILER ALERT! - I don't do very well.
The Eternal Winter - What I hate and love about Winter.


April
Poetry
Holding Hands - A poem I wrote for my dad.
Super Man - What I would do if I were super.
National Poetry Month - A month of increased poetry activity inspired this.
Pitaya - Have you ever tried this odd fruit?
Humming Bird - One of my favourite photos couple with a poem about my favourite bird.
R.A.N.T.
Showing Appreciation - How and when should one thank another? Find out here.
Have You Turned it Off & On Again? - It's always fun when you are having computer problems.


May
R.A.N.T.
Take Me Out to the Ballgame - Go to the game, bring your wallet.


June
R.A.N.T.
Guest Bloggers
(Charles Winthrop) A Thing of Beauty - Part 140 - What is beauty? Is it the same as value?


July
R.A.N.T.
Guest Bloggers
(Professor Sanee) The Impossible Girl - What does it mean for something to be 'impossible'?


August
R.A.N.T.
Guest Bloggers
(Jenni Long) Stop Being Insecure - Jenni answers reader questions ala Dear Abby


September
Poetry
The Fool - Who thinks they are special? Only the fool.
R.A.N.T.
Random Rants II - For once, I let many random people rant away. I follow up with my own replies.


October
Poetry
Spider - I wrote this after I saw a spider in my bathroom.
R.A.N.T.
Getting Lost - I'm always frustrated when I get lost.
Guest Bloggers
(Charles Winthorp) The American Radio - Part 41 - Charles shares his notes of songs currently playing on the radio.


November
Poetry
Socks on Fox - A Dr. Suess inspired poem.
R.A.N.T.
Where Do the Socks Go? - Really, where do they go?


December
Poetry
Stay - Do you like to roam or stay put?
Winters Door - Please close the door. Especially in Winter.
R.A.N.T.
Open Door Policy - My solutions to help others remember to close doors in Winter.


Most Read Blog Posts of 2014
Top 10 Blog Articles of 2014: January - June (According to Web Hits)
1.) 417 - R.a.n.t. - Super Bowl 48 Review - 02/02/14
2.) 318 - Poem - Psychrolutes Marcidus - 04/23/14
3.) 153 - Poem - Drizzly Days & Tuesdays - 04/08/14
4.) 152 - Poem - Coati Mondi - 04/16/14
5.) 133 - R.a.n.t. - Cud Chewin' - 02/23/14
6.) 128 - Photography - Woodstock Illinois; Groundhog Day Filming Location - 02/02/14
7.) 90 - R.a.n.t. - Spring Ahead - 03/09/14
8.) 81 - R.a.n.t. - No Go Greyhound - 01/12/14
9.) 72 - R.a.n.t. - Leave the Despising to Us - 01/19/14
10.) 72 - R.a.n.t. - Done With American Football - 01/05/14

Top 10 Blog Articles of 2014: July - December (According to Web Hits)
1.) 83 - R.a.n.t. - The Impossible Girl - 07/13/14
2.) 72 - R.a.n.t. - Random Rants II - 09/28/14
3.) 58 - R.a.n.t. - Open Door Policy - 12/14/14
4.) 54 - R.a.n.t. - Stop Being Insecure - 08/24/14
5.) 48 - R.a.n.t. - Getting Lost - 10/06/14
6.) 47 - R.a.n.t. - Don't Put Me In A Box - 10/12/14
7.) 42 - R.a.n.t. - Where Do the Socks Go? - 11/16/14
8.) 41 - Poem - Spider - 10/02/14
9.) 40 - R.a.n.t. - Shiny Happy People - 12/07/14
10.) 38 - R.a.n.t. - Abandoned - 11/02/14