Random Rants - III

R.a.n.t. of week 10/12/15

I've been ranting for (four) years now, but every once in a while I like to see what is irritating other people. This is where Random R.a.n.t.s comes in. Once a year I like to turn to Twitter and see what other people are ranting about. I certainly can't be the only one complaining all the time. Right? In true R.A.N.T. fashion (rage against nothing, typically), some of the rants I discovered from September are small and petty. No worries, that's what a good rant is about. And yet, several people I know have made fun of me for r.a.n.t.s. Well, turn about is fair play. Below are my third annual random rants, along with humorous retorts provided by yours truly. Enjoy the session and look below for information on how you too can join in on the fun once a month.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

S. Cook ‏ - Im so rude to cold callers its unbelievable! Not being funny though but if I wanted your product don't you think Id ring you myself!
>What if they were selling a book on funny ways to deal with cold callers? I might actually buy that from them.

B. Skrabanek - Why does curry always get such a bad rap? My apartment reeks of it tonight and it's absolutely divine.
>Why the bad rep? REEK - [rēk] VERB to smell strongly and unpleasantly.

T. Plumpton - The roadworks are ridiculous at Temple @CornwallCouncil not a single worker in sight! Also the new car park phone system is a pain!
>Please, only one rant per customer.

A. Bensing - I wish people would be honest with me, instead of this tip toe through the tulips bull crap
>Great, now I have Tiny Tim's song running through my head.

L. Williamson - It feels like every week new 'rare' photos of the #Beatles are released. How many more 'rare' photos are there?
>42

J. Gromest - I have come to the conclusion that people from Maryland don't know how to drive.
>Oddly I was just thinking the same thing about Wisconsin people.

L. White - don't hate me for this, but I'm so bored of Clara! WE NEED A NEW COMPANION ALREADY (pick me pick me pick me pick me)
>Sounds like she'll be gone soon enough. Personally, I'll miss her. I just hope they don't kill her off.

Max - Not happy with the trend in modern dramatic TV series of killing main characters after they fulfill their plot role.
>I hate when they do that in comic books. But then again, no super hero has ever truly died, have they? That's just as annoying.

B. Sachan - Here we go again. Food blogger = a person who WRITES a blog dedicated to all things food. Blog =a regularly updated website. WEBSITE.
>Feel free to follow my blog. Why only last month I was ranting about rotten fruit.

Sher - Why are there never coupons for fruit??? Grapes are expensive and necessary in my diet. Ugh!
>If only there was a food blogger who discussed this topic. I hate how expensive fruit is too, especially when it's rotten when you eat it.

KewlBabe - Getting tired of the @USPS paying for 2 day shipping only for it not to be there in 2 days, not even 3 days, today makes the 4th day.
>Where you using The United States Procrastinators System again?

Nerdarchy - I'm tired of "articles" where you have to click, click, click to view next piece of content- it's just a scam to up click rates!
>I hate those as well, so I'm not even going to joke about this. But if you really, really want to see my joke on this, click to the next article.

Nicole - Rage cleaning is a thing I do. In fact, I am doing it right now. I need to put on some music and dance like no one is watching.
>I hope using your tweet upsets you. My house could use a good cleaning. Stop over any time you want.

Mac - When did "used cars" turned into "pre-owned vehicles"? It's still the same thing.
>It's a politically correct phrase. Hey, cars are people too. Right mother?

Anna ‏- Drive thru rules:if ur ordering the whole store GO inside (this way u dont hold up the drive thru line)
>And who trained the cashiers to give you the bills first, then place the change on top. Making all your change fall to the ground. Drive Thru - Certainly a First World Problem if I ever saw one.

I. McDermott - I thought @jimmyjohns were the guys with the fast delivery, until they were 18 minutes late with my order and made me late for class.
>You think that is bad? I was at their drive through the other day and the guy in front must have been ordering every sub in the place. That was freaky and I waited a freaky long time for my sub.

Ray ‏- Does anyone know a place online where I can #rant in private? Like #real private.
>If you want real private try this. Pen, Journal, Bedroom. Can't get any more private than that. Unless you want t go find a cave to write in somewhere.

DiceShamingIsAThing ‏- Ugh that was rough. Lost the wizard. Had to spend cash on his res. Got no prestige. No items. GM screwed us at a couple points. Ugh.
>For my joke reply, please roll 2D6 and tell me the results. If you have a +2 jocular sword, let me know.

Patti - Here's an idea: let's pay for groceries @ pharmacy so u can hold up the line waiting for .....oh yeah PRESCRIPTIONS!!!!
>Just to get back at everyone, you should pay for your medicine in cosmetics.

TФDD ИФΔLL - Quit apologizing because you haven't posted in a while. No one noticed/cared.
>It's been 13 months since my last random rants and no one has noticed or cared? :'(

J. Brown - Signal lights - use them to tell people what you WANT to do, not what you're ABOUT to do. They're useless if you don't.
>It's like, "In case you couldn't tell, I'm turning." Yes, we know.

J. V. Relph - After spending hours in a movie theater, I'm left to wonder if they ever shampoo those damn chairs *feeling itchy*
>This might be one of my subconscious reasons why I don't go very often, Alex J. Cavanaugh.

K. Barth - I really hate home owner associations. Nit pick over the stupidest stuff.
>Isn't nit-pick supposed to be hyphenated?

E. Olmstead - don't tell me you're an animal lover but you still eat meat
>Would this be a bad time to mention I always thought PETA stood for People Eating Tasty Animals?

Aharon - Cannot understand why Profs find it surprising that students could fall sick. Should ask them to try the mess food.
>Hey, who's writing the jokes around here? Stop stealing mine.

Faith Guy - What does community college have in common with Mars? Well there's no intelligent life there, but people still keep trying to go!
>Perhaps they really enjoy the food in the mess hall.

M. Aprison - I know it shouldn't bother me so much but my name is Margaret. It's not Marge or Margie or Mags. It's Margaret.
>So I guess Large Marge is inappropriate too? I'll let Pee-Wee know.

A. Carney - It's 75 and sunny out. I don't understand these people at the gym running on treadmills.
>No kidding, it's a perfect day for an ice cream on the beach.

Barrister Moses - When a person drinks alcohol, everyone says he's alcoholic but when I drink Fanta no one says I'm fantastic.
>Can I hire you next year for the next random rants article?

Craig - NO Voters must feel like right idiots. They're the type that actually give their bank details to the Nigerian Lottery winning Prince
>Why is it a bad thing to give my bank details to the Nigerian Lottery board? I've won and soon they are going to forward £2,500,000 into my account. First I have a clearing fee of £1,000 to give them and another transfer fee of £500. But then the money is all mine!!!!

Brewstock - Anyone see @CervezaModeloMX advertising the clear bottles their beer comes in? It helps "show its character" and skunk your beer!
>Maybe their campaign character should be Pepé Le Pew.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Do you like to r.a.n.t. too?

A few people have wondered where my R.a.n.t. series has gone. It really hasn't gone anywhere. It's still here. But having joined a few blog hops and working on my own short story series, my time for writing has been cut drastically. So I had a thought. What about ranting once a month?

When will I be ranting?
I'm hoping to write the second Monday of each month. This way I only need to write one r.a.n.t. a month.

Can I join in on the fun?
YES! I'm interested in reading what other people are r.a.n.t.ing about.

How do I join you?
Grab the banner below and let me know you are interested.

What should I r.a.n.t. about?
What you want to complain about. Preferably, something that's been bugging you lately.
Examples: Your writing - the supermarket - annoying people. The sky is the limit.
If you need additional suggestions, re-read the random rants above.

*Please note. This article is not my typical format. I only do random rants once a year.

This is the banner I've created. Thoughts? Anyone interested in joining?

See you all next month for my next r.a.n.t. article.
November 9th

I is for Ink Cartridges

R.a.n.t. for day 04/10/15

When I was a young writer starting out, I didn't have a computer like the ones available today. Computers were expensive and out of my Taco Bell salary price range, which is where I worked during my High School years. Most of my writing was done on a typewriter. (For you kids, a typewriter was a miraculous machine equipped with keys which when pressed printed whatever you typed automatically to a piece of paper. No need to save and print. And the typewriter never 'crashed' losing half a days typing because you were foolish and never saved. Hands up everyone that's happened to.) I didn't mind typing on a typewriter, I actually liked it. And when I got my first one I felt more like a writer than ever before. But the drawback is you can't go back and correct so easily. That's what's nice about typing on a computer. You type away for as long as you want, save the file, print it out, edit, print again, save once more, work on it again, etc. etc.

Working with the computer isn't so bad either, except when it gets to the printing part. It's a process that has begun to anger me greatly and thus resulted in not printing much of my writings lately. If I were smrt I would print out each and every one of my r.a.n.t.s, make a few choice selections and possibly see if they are interesting or humorous enough for publication. But I'm dreaming again because I hate talking about ink cartridges and I'm wandering in my r.a.n.t. again. That's how much talking about ink angers me. Why can I go to the local Office store and pick up a fairly decent all-in-one printer for about $100 and yet when I need to pick up new ink for it, (which seems every other week), I'm shelling out $40 for various cartridges. Even when I try to print only in black, the other colours seem to drain. And can ink really be that expensive? I can only imagine what a gallon of ink would cost.

I've also come to believe ink cartridges are sort of a legal scam. Did you know when most ink cartridges are 'out of ink' they are only partially out of ink? I've come to learn that the printer and ink cartridge are so smrt now, they conspire against you. Whatever printer you have, you can look online for cheats on how to extend the life of your ink cartridge. Most printers have a sensor that scans the ink cartridge for when it is 'low' and flags that it is empty. And then the printer refuses to print. A little trick I learned is to cover the sensor with black electrical tape and suddenly the printer sees it as a full cartridge and I extend the life by almost half. So when the printer says you are low or out of ink, it's lying, it's trying to scam you. And this is one scam artists I can't mess with.

Some questions for discussion:
Have you ever lost a portion of a story or article because you forgot to save?
How is your friendship with ink cartridges?
Did you notice I spelled the word smart wrong both times? That was planned.

Some other related articles:
I learn how to get free gas HERE
I correspond with and mess with an actual scammer HERE

I'll Just Help Myself

R.a.n.t. of week 07/14/13

Today is going to be a great day! Lots to see, lots to do. I'll really need to be on my toes. I love how Milwaukee has so many festivals and things to do. If it's not Summerfest, it's the State Fair, or one of the many ethnic festivals like German-Fest, or Irish-Fest, or Festa Italiana. Most people hate such large crowds, but I don't. I love it! Especially when beer is involved. People don't pay such close attention to their belongings when they are having fun, especially while drinking. That means it'll be easier for me to pick their pockets, check their cars for valuables or run simple scams on them. Who cares how they'll feel victimized, traumatized and humiliated when I rob them blind. At least I'll acquire new items to sell on craigslist. More money for me, less for them. Less money because they'll have to pay to replace the items I've stolen. Or they'll have to pay a higher premium on their car insurance, or maybe if I'm lucky, I'll find a few credit cards with which I can use to pay for gas for me and my buddies before they realize the cards have been stolen and cancel them. Granted, it's a lot of hard work to make sure I'm never caught and the stress and aggravation makes me like myself even less. But at least I'm not working an honest job, earning a living or doing something my family would respect. I wonder how long it'll ultimately be before I'm finally caught, or graduate to grand theft auto. When busted I'll probably spend most of my life in and out of jails. But that's the price you pay in my line of 'work'. Uh oh, gotta go. Just saw someone leave their truck unlocked. I saw a laptop bag in their earlier, hope it's still there. I've earned it! Well not really, ha-ha, but you know what I mean.

* Though this hasn't happened to me recently, my good friend Ray had his laptop bag stolen from his truck on Saturday while he was competing in the dragon boat races. Turned an awesome day into an awful day for him.

Spam & Scam - Click HERE For Viagra

R.a.n.t. of week 12/23/12

One of the things I hate more than not receiving any feedback is getting spam feedback. It's kind of sad when most of the comments I receive have to be deleted. What's worse is most of those spam message are also scam messages, i.e empty promises or ineffective products. Following are the last five comments I received on various blog posts:

1. Unbelievable, I just found this software that can promote your website. Click here for....
-- And this relates to the Isle of Man TT how?

2.Crucial Factors Of Philadelphia car accident lawyers - What You Need To Know Also see my page...
-- Yea, that really relates to my article on supermarket checkouts. Or is the point that in Philadelphia only accident lawyers use the speedy checkouts?

3. Hey there jeffreyascott.blogspot.com admin found your website via search engine but it was hard to find and I see you could have more traffic because there are not so many comments yet. To dramatically increase traffic to your site visit....
-- This was left on the Isle of Man Glen photos. I think I liked the Glen just fine without traffic.

4. Торговля двигатель рекламы !!!
-- To be honest, I'm not sure what to make of this. Google translate translates this to "Trade Engine Advertising!!!" This was left on one of my 'Auto Show' posts. Well, maybe this wasn't spam??? If I'm wrong, sorry about that comrade.

5. We procession inasmuch as all kinds of crazy qualitys that separate mistaken in a inconsistency of styles, colors and sizes at wholesale price....
-- This was left on my 'Cinema Talkers' rant. And isn't the irony of the broken English above criticising "crazy qualitys & inconsistancy" just as annoying as a movie talker? And then there is the unrelated topic of this spam directing me to a website where I can buy cheap wedding and prom dresses. I'm like ???

To be honest though, the last response reminds me of the email scams from Nigeria. Years ago I used to respond to them, just to mess with them and waste their time. I don't think they usually had any idea what I was talking about. Included below are a few key moments of one such correspondence. I, of course, used a fake name.

The Setup: In these emails, the scammer tries to obtain the bank information of unaware people. Usually they pose as Nigerian barristers, lawyers or businessmen, trying to move money to a "safe" place in America. They claim to need bank information to move the money into your account. When they acquire the needed information, they drain the account of money and disappear. My goal was to waste their time so they were not doing this to other, more gullible, people. I won't bore you with his first email as it's usually 5 pages long. Suffice it to say I responded favourably and willing to help, though I didn't send him any bank details.

From: Ali (Scammer)
To: Mark Krall (Me)
Dear Mark,
I have acknowledged the reciept of your mail.Please if you are not ready to send your banking information where the fund will be transafered, you should forget about helping me and I dont want any other person to be involve in this transaction.

From: Mark Krall (Me)
To: Ali (Scammer)
Oh my! You do not trust me? I just figured it would be easier to have my personal banker give you all the necessary information. I was trying to be efficient and fast and you are now saying I am not trustworthy?

From: Ali
To: Mark Krall
Please, if my last mail to you offended you, I appologies for that, you should forget and forgive, let us forge ahead, so that we can be able to achieve the gold ahead of us.

From: Mark Krall
To: Ali
I accept your apology. Account number will be sent to you this evening when I arrive home. All my bank information is at home. I was going to bring it in to work in case you wrote back but forgot to grab in my haste, I was running late earlier. I heard a loud crash outside my apartment building this morning and saw an overturned milk truck. There was milk everywhere and all the neighborhood cats were running over. I tell you, I never had such a hard time driving down my own city block. With luck, the milk and the cats will be gone when I get home.

From: Ali
To: Mark Krall
I HAVE RECEIVED YOUR MAIL, TAKE NOTE THAT I HAVE NOT RECEIVE YOUR ACCOUNT NUMBER , PLRASE YOU SHOULD ENDEAVOUR TO SEND IT TO ENABLE ME FORGE AHEAD. I recieved your mail.Thanks for your urgent response. You have to send the inforamtion asfollows:
Name Of the Bank/Address:
Bank's Tel and Fax:
Acoount No/Routline No:

From: Mark Krall
To: Ali
My best friend, Ali
How are you doing? I hope all is okay with you. Please tell me things are okay. I must get right to the point. Please Ali, we are best friends; you have never told me a lie. Are you being serious or is this just a joke for you? We need to take this serious if it is serious. If it is just a joke to you, then why do you write me? You seem a very busy man and important to be making jokes and just fooling around. If you are truly serious then contact Jenny at my bank. Her number is 867-5309. Please! This is very important!!!

From: Ali
To: Mark Krall
I AM NOT JOKING,YOU HAVE TO BE SERIOUS WITH ME AND YOU SHOUL NOT ALLOW THE DELAY FORM YOU SIDE TO BE A HENDRANCE TO OUR PAYMENT.

From: Mark Krall
To: Ali
I did not want to delay in this. Here is the information you needed.
Bank: Maggody Tri-N-Save / 100 Main, Maggody - Stump Cty C
Phone: Jenny - 867-5309
Account: 25OR624
Now we should be able to get our deal concluded. I can't wait. Do you mind if I go shopping right away? I could buy both of us a brand new car and when we meet we can have drag races. Just like in the movies.
Dragster buddy,
Mark

From: Ali
To: Mark Krall
Coming to your request, I will not give any answer to any of the question until the fund is approved for payment on your behalf, you know what to invest with your own money and I know what to invest with my money. Be informed that I am investing a lot of money here to ensure that our dream become true. All you need to do now is to make a good arrangement on where I will stay.

From: Mark Krall
To: Ali
I still want to buy us a pair of matching cars. If you'd like I can take out the remaining money and put a down payment on them. They will look nice and we can cruise and pick up chicks. They will like our new cars. You never got back to me and specified which color you preferred, puke purple or outrageous orange? Please, this is VERY important you get back to me on this since I can go to bank today to take the money out to put the down payment on the cars. You will really like them!!!! Don't worry about a place to live, you can live with me.

To: Mark Krall
From: Ali
You refused to mention the Name of your Country as the desination where the Fund will be routed, I don't want you to hinder our Payment since I have not see any seriousness in you, even your last mail proved that you are joker, Look at the way you address me on your last mail, talking meaningless things that does not make sense.

To: Ali
From: Mark Krall
I am looking forward to the completion of this transaction as well. In regards to you calling me joker, I can truthfully tell you I am not him. Sure, I may live in Gotham but that does not mean I'm the Joker. Those canisters of Smilex they found in my apartment were not mine, but for a friend who accidentally left them over. You must believe and trust that I am not the joker. Perhaps when we meet for real when you come to visit I can prove it with a handshake. Still, I'm a little upset you called me the Joker. So I will call you penguin from now on.
Love that joker,
Mark

[I never heard from him again]

Being Swindled

$10.00 TO EVERYONE WHO READS THIS POST!
* Details at the bottom of this rewritten article.
R.a.n.t. of week 08/15/04

One thing that gets my goat more than anything is getting swindled, or feeling swindled. I've brought along a few examples today. The first case deals with a website hosting an online journal. My friend Ray turned me onto this because he knows how much I enjoy writing, and journalling. I started my first journal at age 14 and was dedicated to it for almost 10 years. Once the internet became more viable, I slowly switched to blogging. The web site I mentioned before was sort of a hybrid, part blog, part journal. I liked the site so much, that when it was being converted to a 'free with commercial' site, I was given the option of paying a small sum to have the ads removed. The price was five dollars, something which didn't break my bank, so I happily forked over the dough. Two weeks later the site disappeared, along with my money. It seemed to me there was no intention of keeping the site up and operational. Could it be someone just wanted to pocket a bit of cash before they hit the road? Maybe I'm just naive.

This reminds me how naive I was in grade school. I had this good friend who loved to make 'deals' with me. I recall one deal vividly. He wanted to trade a Star Wars figure I told him I owned for.... well I don't recall what he had in trade but it must have been something awesome. I rarely got Star Wars toys as a kid and treated them like gold. The next day, he would forget to bring his item, but he would persuade me to still trade with him. For a one day delay, he would bring me something better. All I had to do to prove my trust was buy him a candy bar at lunch time, which I happily agreed to. I don't recall he EVER remembered to bring the item I traded for. WAIT, could this be why he said I was his BEST friend? I'm starting to doubt that old friendship.

So gradually, I've learned from these two examples. They have taught me how to recognize a swindle. That's why I will no longer be sending money to Nigeria via Western Union to help Barrister Mustapha Braithwait. I really don't care how many of your goats have leprosy. And you don't need my help to transfer money to America. And I won't be paying to process my lottery winnings. I didn't enter! Please stop sending me these emails.
*To collect your money for reading this, please send a self addressed stamped envelope, along with a $100.00 processing fee to my attention.
Also, I'm collecting donations to help my dead dog who's dying of scurvy.
Reprinted 11/15/12





*PLEASE NOTE - I recently found old R.a.n.t. articles posted to a website I once owned. I've decided to reprint them in my current run. However, ironically enough, I'm not to fond of the writing so I've decided to edit the articles and repost them. For comparisons sake, I've decided to run the edited version as well as the original. In a way, it's kind of fun to see how my writing has changed in eight years.

Original R.a.n.t.
Something happened just recently that really gets my goat. As most of those very close to me know, I love to keep a journal. My friend Ray introduced me to a site that hosts a journal online so of course I went there. It was free of charge and they did a great job hosting entries I’d put there. Then about a month ago a notice was issued they were going to start putting commercials on the site. The way around that was to pay for a year fee, the going price was five dollars. Not really a heck of a lot, and I loved the site so I forked over the cash. Then suddenly the site stopped showing up. It’s been almost a month now and it’s still not up. So the indication is that someone took the money and ran. But to be honest, I’m not so sure that is the case. For all I knew it got to much for them to handle and they couldn’t do it even with the new-found money. But there have been other times I’ve been taken for a ride. Back in school there was a kid that I use to do ‘deals’ with. I’d trade him a Star Wars figure I had at home for something better he had at home. I’d bring my item in and he would ‘forget’ to bring in his. To make it up he’d bring me something better than what he was going to bring if I gave him a candy bar I had, or something like that. It went on for a few months. Yes, I was stupid back then, but I was also naive and very trusting. Needless to say, that simple training in being swindled has taught me much and I know how to recognize a swindle now. So no Mr. Kieve Mackalackadingdong I’m not going to help you transfer money to America by paying your processing fee. No Ian Jinglejangle, top clearing house representative for London Bank, I’m not paying the processing fee to receive the money I won in your lottery I didn’t enter. Do you got that? So stop sending me the emails!!!!