Sunday, April 25, 2010

Love & Loss (Part 25)

1996 I was still in a dream-like trance. This was my first realization I was dreaming everything. I looked at a recent photo taken of me and noticed, not the slender sort I've always been. I had started to gain weight. Noticing this weight gain shocked me more than anything had in a while. I must have weighed over 250 lbs. Perhaps I must have known that deep down. None of my recent photos was I able to smile any more. But that certainly wasn't the end of it.

I was having problems paying the rent in 1998 as my job didn't pay much and I called in sick frequently. I found buying beer didn't help towards finding meaning in my life. Finally in 1999 I was fired from my customer service job at the mall and searched desperately for a new one. I was several weeks away from getting evicted because my rent was over a month late.

Every time I felt I hit rock bottom, I dropped off another cliff. I thought when I finally found a new job things were going to look up. Turns out I couldn't stand the work or the boss. But it paid the rent so I stuck with it. My life was miserable and didn't change, not even after the new millennium began.

2001 was a horrible year for everyone, 2002 my nights were filled with nothing but television watching, 2003 I found my comfort in a pint of ice cream every night and 2004 I started to slip deeper into my depression. Everything depressed me. I realized I was getting older and had done nothing with my life. I was going to be a writer, but nothing became of it. That brings us to 2005.

At last, everything changed in 2005. Because of my excess in junk food and self pity I now weighed over 300 pounds. Yes, it shames me to this day I let myself go so badly. Perhaps I would have gained more weight, who knows how big I would have let myself get. But that all changed quickly, 13 years after Jenni 'left me at the alter', with a sudden surprising knock at my door.

Part 26 of 30

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