Random Rants - III

R.a.n.t. of week 10/12/15

I've been ranting for (four) years now, but every once in a while I like to see what is irritating other people. This is where Random R.a.n.t.s comes in. Once a year I like to turn to Twitter and see what other people are ranting about. I certainly can't be the only one complaining all the time. Right? In true R.A.N.T. fashion (rage against nothing, typically), some of the rants I discovered from September are small and petty. No worries, that's what a good rant is about. And yet, several people I know have made fun of me for r.a.n.t.s. Well, turn about is fair play. Below are my third annual random rants, along with humorous retorts provided by yours truly. Enjoy the session and look below for information on how you too can join in on the fun once a month.

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S. Cook ‏ - Im so rude to cold callers its unbelievable! Not being funny though but if I wanted your product don't you think Id ring you myself!
>What if they were selling a book on funny ways to deal with cold callers? I might actually buy that from them.

B. Skrabanek - Why does curry always get such a bad rap? My apartment reeks of it tonight and it's absolutely divine.
>Why the bad rep? REEK - [rēk] VERB to smell strongly and unpleasantly.

T. Plumpton - The roadworks are ridiculous at Temple @CornwallCouncil not a single worker in sight! Also the new car park phone system is a pain!
>Please, only one rant per customer.

A. Bensing - I wish people would be honest with me, instead of this tip toe through the tulips bull crap
>Great, now I have Tiny Tim's song running through my head.

L. Williamson - It feels like every week new 'rare' photos of the #Beatles are released. How many more 'rare' photos are there?
>42

J. Gromest - I have come to the conclusion that people from Maryland don't know how to drive.
>Oddly I was just thinking the same thing about Wisconsin people.

L. White - don't hate me for this, but I'm so bored of Clara! WE NEED A NEW COMPANION ALREADY (pick me pick me pick me pick me)
>Sounds like she'll be gone soon enough. Personally, I'll miss her. I just hope they don't kill her off.

Max - Not happy with the trend in modern dramatic TV series of killing main characters after they fulfill their plot role.
>I hate when they do that in comic books. But then again, no super hero has ever truly died, have they? That's just as annoying.

B. Sachan - Here we go again. Food blogger = a person who WRITES a blog dedicated to all things food. Blog =a regularly updated website. WEBSITE.
>Feel free to follow my blog. Why only last month I was ranting about rotten fruit.

Sher - Why are there never coupons for fruit??? Grapes are expensive and necessary in my diet. Ugh!
>If only there was a food blogger who discussed this topic. I hate how expensive fruit is too, especially when it's rotten when you eat it.

KewlBabe - Getting tired of the @USPS paying for 2 day shipping only for it not to be there in 2 days, not even 3 days, today makes the 4th day.
>Where you using The United States Procrastinators System again?

Nerdarchy - I'm tired of "articles" where you have to click, click, click to view next piece of content- it's just a scam to up click rates!
>I hate those as well, so I'm not even going to joke about this. But if you really, really want to see my joke on this, click to the next article.

Nicole - Rage cleaning is a thing I do. In fact, I am doing it right now. I need to put on some music and dance like no one is watching.
>I hope using your tweet upsets you. My house could use a good cleaning. Stop over any time you want.

Mac - When did "used cars" turned into "pre-owned vehicles"? It's still the same thing.
>It's a politically correct phrase. Hey, cars are people too. Right mother?

Anna ‏- Drive thru rules:if ur ordering the whole store GO inside (this way u dont hold up the drive thru line)
>And who trained the cashiers to give you the bills first, then place the change on top. Making all your change fall to the ground. Drive Thru - Certainly a First World Problem if I ever saw one.

I. McDermott - I thought @jimmyjohns were the guys with the fast delivery, until they were 18 minutes late with my order and made me late for class.
>You think that is bad? I was at their drive through the other day and the guy in front must have been ordering every sub in the place. That was freaky and I waited a freaky long time for my sub.

Ray ‏- Does anyone know a place online where I can #rant in private? Like #real private.
>If you want real private try this. Pen, Journal, Bedroom. Can't get any more private than that. Unless you want t go find a cave to write in somewhere.

DiceShamingIsAThing ‏- Ugh that was rough. Lost the wizard. Had to spend cash on his res. Got no prestige. No items. GM screwed us at a couple points. Ugh.
>For my joke reply, please roll 2D6 and tell me the results. If you have a +2 jocular sword, let me know.

Patti - Here's an idea: let's pay for groceries @ pharmacy so u can hold up the line waiting for .....oh yeah PRESCRIPTIONS!!!!
>Just to get back at everyone, you should pay for your medicine in cosmetics.

TФDD ИФΔLL - Quit apologizing because you haven't posted in a while. No one noticed/cared.
>It's been 13 months since my last random rants and no one has noticed or cared? :'(

J. Brown - Signal lights - use them to tell people what you WANT to do, not what you're ABOUT to do. They're useless if you don't.
>It's like, "In case you couldn't tell, I'm turning." Yes, we know.

J. V. Relph - After spending hours in a movie theater, I'm left to wonder if they ever shampoo those damn chairs *feeling itchy*
>This might be one of my subconscious reasons why I don't go very often, Alex J. Cavanaugh.

K. Barth - I really hate home owner associations. Nit pick over the stupidest stuff.
>Isn't nit-pick supposed to be hyphenated?

E. Olmstead - don't tell me you're an animal lover but you still eat meat
>Would this be a bad time to mention I always thought PETA stood for People Eating Tasty Animals?

Aharon - Cannot understand why Profs find it surprising that students could fall sick. Should ask them to try the mess food.
>Hey, who's writing the jokes around here? Stop stealing mine.

Faith Guy - What does community college have in common with Mars? Well there's no intelligent life there, but people still keep trying to go!
>Perhaps they really enjoy the food in the mess hall.

M. Aprison - I know it shouldn't bother me so much but my name is Margaret. It's not Marge or Margie or Mags. It's Margaret.
>So I guess Large Marge is inappropriate too? I'll let Pee-Wee know.

A. Carney - It's 75 and sunny out. I don't understand these people at the gym running on treadmills.
>No kidding, it's a perfect day for an ice cream on the beach.

Barrister Moses - When a person drinks alcohol, everyone says he's alcoholic but when I drink Fanta no one says I'm fantastic.
>Can I hire you next year for the next random rants article?

Craig - NO Voters must feel like right idiots. They're the type that actually give their bank details to the Nigerian Lottery winning Prince
>Why is it a bad thing to give my bank details to the Nigerian Lottery board? I've won and soon they are going to forward £2,500,000 into my account. First I have a clearing fee of £1,000 to give them and another transfer fee of £500. But then the money is all mine!!!!

Brewstock - Anyone see @CervezaModeloMX advertising the clear bottles their beer comes in? It helps "show its character" and skunk your beer!
>Maybe their campaign character should be Pepé Le Pew.

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Do you like to r.a.n.t. too?

A few people have wondered where my R.a.n.t. series has gone. It really hasn't gone anywhere. It's still here. But having joined a few blog hops and working on my own short story series, my time for writing has been cut drastically. So I had a thought. What about ranting once a month?

When will I be ranting?
I'm hoping to write the second Monday of each month. This way I only need to write one r.a.n.t. a month.

Can I join in on the fun?
YES! I'm interested in reading what other people are r.a.n.t.ing about.

How do I join you?
Grab the banner below and let me know you are interested.

What should I r.a.n.t. about?
What you want to complain about. Preferably, something that's been bugging you lately.
Examples: Your writing - the supermarket - annoying people. The sky is the limit.
If you need additional suggestions, re-read the random rants above.

*Please note. This article is not my typical format. I only do random rants once a year.

This is the banner I've created. Thoughts? Anyone interested in joining?

See you all next month for my next r.a.n.t. article.
November 9th

Rotten Fruit

R.a.n.t. of week 09/14/15

Of all my goals, losing weight is high on my priority list. In fact, it's near the top of my least. Just below learning the Karen language and publishing a book. But anything worth doing, is never easy. When it comes to weight loss, there are several things that hinder my progress. Finding time to work out is one. After a long day at work, going to the gym is not exactly something I long to do. Not that I don't like going to the gym. I actually do like to go and run a 5K on the treadmill. I don't mind it. It's a great time for me to work on another of my past times, and that's writing. Huh? Yes, when I run, I'm thinking. And what do I think about? The current series I'm writing and how I can resolve some problems. But that's not the point of my rant.

Since managing my weight is a realistic goal, I need to have a strategy. My strategy is essentially what anyone trying to lose weight will tell you. It's a simple process of calories in vs. calories out. That is, eat fewer calories than you burn in a day. If you do that, no matter what you eat, you'll lose weight. And I'm not afraid of healthy foods. I'm fine with salads, fruits, low cal or fat free snacks, it's not a big deal for me. The problem I have is when I'm selecting healthier foods to consume. Why is it healthy food seems to cost so much more than junk food? And yet, that isn't even my biggest problem. Why is it when I am into the healthy eating, the food is always poor quality. I'm tired of buying fruits only to find they are rotten inside. So disgusting, so disheartening. I think I'll grab a Twinkie for comfort. Oh wait, that's probably my biggest problem.



Do you like to rant?
A few people have wondered where my R.a.n.t. series has gone. It really hasn't gone anywhere. It's still here. But having joined a few blog hops and working on my own short story series, my time for writing has been cut drastically. So I had a thought.

Is there anyone willing to join a blog hop if I organize it? Perhaps we can write on the second Monday of the month. Then I only need to write one r.a.n.t. a month and I can enjoy reading what other people are r.a.n.t.ing about as well. What you rant about is up to you, but it should be something that's been bugging you lately. Your writing? The supermarket? Annoying people? The sky is the limit. I've even created a banner. Thoughts on the banner? So, anyone interested?

Pizza Crazy

Doe Do likes pizza
very much.
If you see her pie,
then do not touch.

Pile it high with
extra cheese.
Set the oven
to 350 degrees.

I see her pace
and check the time.
If you steal,
it is a crime.

From the oven
it is drawn.
When Doe Do eats,
it's already gone.

J.A.Scott

Tea is for T

R.a.n.t. of day 04/23/15

Because I'm frequently accused of being picky, (see my ONION rant), I often go back to foods I've decided I don't like, and try them again. Tea and I have had this relationship for quite awhile. I'm always trying to like tea. I'm not sure why exactly, it's something I've never quite been able to get a handle on. For me, tea tastes like hot water. I also don't like dressing my drinks. Coffee I drink black, so I prepare tea about the same. Camomile, Earl Grey, Oolong, Green Tea, none have ever captured me and held me captive. One friend pointed out I have to like tea if I'm to be a good Anglophile. I don't subscribe to this notice. And yet, here I am, trying tea again this morning as I write this. I feel a little like George Costanza from Seinfeld.

GEORGE: Why do I get pesto? Why do I think I'll like it? I keep trying to like it, like I have to like it.
JERRY: Who said you have to like it?
GEORGE: Everybody likes pesto. You walk into a restaurant, that's all you hear - pesto, pesto, pesto.
JERRY: I don't like pesto.
GEORGE: Where was pesto 10 years ago?

I've been vigilant and I can finally say I've found a tea I like. The 'Heath & Heather' variant found above is amazing. I should probably point out, I picked up the Heath and Heather tea because of the name, flavour and it being English. Blackcurrant flavoured anything is hard to find in Wisconsin so I'll pick up whatever I find and give it a try. Be it preserves, soda or tea. Blackcurrant is a flavour I discovered, and loved, in England. So go figure. Maybe my friend had a point.

Well, that about wraps it up for this rant. I just finished my tea and I could murder a cup of coffee right now.

Some questions for discussion:
Do you like tea?
What's your favourite Seinfeld episode?
Is there anything you hated as a child that you love now?

O is for Onions

R.a.n.t. for day 04/17/15

Onions make me cry. Not because I'm cutting into them. I wouldn't be cutting into them. Because I hate them! They always say 'never cry over spilt onions', well I wouldn't cry. I'd laugh gleefully. Onions belong on the floor and I'd step on them and kick them out the door. It's not only the taste that makes me mad. It's that EVERYONE cooks with them. It doesn't matter what they are cooking, they chuck them in. Stew? Add onions, Tacos? Add onions, Sandwich? Add onions. Soup? Add onions. Breakfast cereal? Add onions.

Then, I'm called a 'picky' eater. Really? Since the taste of an onion makes me gag, I'm picky? I can eat almost anything in the world and usually enjoy it. And I've had some weird things, (pigs heart, sheep uterus, fish paste - okay, these are just the exotic things I've had, not that I really like them.) Meats, breads, fruits, vegetables. Yes, I DO like vegetables. I'll eat any side veggie you offer me. Corn, potatoes, beans, spinach, celery, broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts. I've eaten and enjoyed them all. So I'm not picky, I just don't like the taste of onions.

Then there are the people who can't believe I don't like onions. They will try and trick me into eating them. As if I have never had them before or know what they taste (or feel) like.
Karen: "So how was dinner?"
Jeffrey Scott: "It was good."
K: "You know there were onions in it."
JS: "Yes, I know, I spit them out. See?"

Or try and serve them to me in a new and unique way, thinking I will suddenly enjoy them.
Pemu: "Jeff, I made fried onions. I know you don't like onions, but try it."
JS: "Wow, this is good." I'm of course, trying to be nice. I always try to be gracious when someone makes me food.
P: "Want another one?"
JS: "No thank you. I don't know if I can finish this one."
P: "But I made these for you."

Yes, I'll try and be nice if I'm at someone's house and they serve me food with onions in it. I won't even mention I don't like onions. I'll just swallow them without chewing. I may not like onions, but I don't want to be rude about it. Oh sure, I've had an onion ring or two in my life. But as I've gotten older, I've found it hard to eat even these. Anyway, let's be honest. An onion ring is no more an onion than a french fry is a potato. It's all breading and grease. There is nothing left, it's been fried away. Like making Guinness brownies and worried you'll make people drunk. (Yes, I have a friend who believed that). Why even this morning I made some Kahlúa coffee. Says right on the package 'non-alcoholic'. Really? There was a chance of alcohol being in a vacuum sealed packet of coffee? But it was goo......

I'm sorry, getting off topic again. Why? Because I hate onions so much, I even hate talking about them. They taste nasty, they are in everything, and they make me cry. If I wanted to cry, I'd listen to the song below. As I believe Telly Savalas once said, "Onions. Don't leave the store with them." Good advice.

Some questions for discussion:
Do you put onions in your cereal?
Should Cadbury come out with chocolate covered onions?
Would you try onion flavoured coffee?
What food(s) do you hate?

J is for Junk Food

R.a.n.t. of day 04/11/15

As most people who know me, (and those who've been reading this A-Z series), I have weight to lose. In 'E' I explored 'Exercise' and 'H' was 'High Pressure Sales' from joining a gym. Those two r.a.n.t.s talked about the good things I do for myself, but this article shows partially why I need to lose weight. I've gotten much better with not eating junk food over the years, but back when I was married, the wife wanted to shop for groceries on her own and half of what she brought back always seemed to be junk food. Food not healthy, no matter what the package might try and suggest (packed with vitamins and minerals). What more can I say? It's bad food, and it's food I love to eat. Since I'm doing an A-Z list this month, I figured I may as well round out this r.a.n.t. with an A-Z listing of all my food temptations. Food I typically keep out of the house. Out of sight, out of mind, you know. But if it's in the house. Forget it! All bets are off.

A- Alcohol (Okay, this is one I have in my house. I have a fully stoked bar. But it's in the basement).
B- Bacon
C- Cereal
D- Doritoes
E-  Éclairs
F- French Fries
G- Ghiradeli Chocolate
H- Hot Dogs
I- Ice Cream
J- Jelly Bellies, Jelly Babies
K- Krispy Kremes (Yes, I already listed donuts)
L- Lasagne
M- Marshmallow Peeps
N- Nutella
O- Onion Rings (Okay, this is a joke. I hate onions)
P- Pizza
Q- Quisp (A cereal. Yes, another duplicate) :)
R- Raisins covered in chocolate.
S- Sweets of any kind.
T- Twinkies
U- Usually anything not healthy.
V- Vanilla ice cream covered in chocolate, sprinkles, whipped cream and a cherry on top.
W- Wedges of Potatoes
X- Xtra Helpings (Okay, this is a cheat)
Y- Yummy Food
Z- Zingers

Some questions for discussion:
What are your food temptations?
What keeps you motivated?
Is there anything I should have added to the list?

E is for Exercise

R.a.n.t. of day 04/06/15

Back when I was married, I shockingly weighed over 22 stone (over 300 pounds). Though I have to admit I couldn't blame anyone else, the ex-wife's weekly shopping list consisted of Oreo's, Cookies N Cream Ice Cream, Doritoes, Sugar Cookies, Soda, Cereal, Taco Dip, and.... well, think of any other junk food, it was probably on the list at some point. So I've cut out eating junk food and fast food, but I was still having problems losing weight.

This is where exercise comes in. One of the best ways I've found to lose weight, besides not eating tubs of ice cream, is running. It's a tiring bit of exercise, but I don't mind doing it. It's a necessary evil you understand. One perk, I get a lot of thinking done. (Working on ideas for my stories). So when I go to the gym, I've started running 5K's. To be fair, I only run half of it. I split my time between running and walking. So far I've lost three stone (42 pounds), so it's working. The funny thing, when I tell people what I've been doing to lose weight, they agree with everything till I mention the exercise part. "I couldn't never do that" and "I hate to exercise" are a few of the replies. But if you think about it, does anyone really like to exercise? Who, if given the choice between grunting, groaning and sweating in the gym or relaxing on the beach with a Mai Tai, wouldn't choose the one where alcoholic drinks were involved?

So, am I excited when I get to go to the gym and run for an hour? I'd be lying if I said yes. But when I step on that scale and see I've lost another two pounds for the week, I DO get excited. Time to celebrate with a Mai Tai!

Some Questions for Discussion:
What's your favourite exercise?
What's your favourite comfort food?
What's your favourite drink? (Alcoholic or not).

The Gift

It says I have
a little gift.
A music CD?
Taylor Swift?

Or perhaps,
a book of Troy?
Concert tickets?
Nerdy Toy?

Hoping that
it's something fun.
Or a cash prize
I have won.

Open now,
what do I see?
Words on paper,
A bap recipe.

J.A.Scott

The Spice Store

I had a chip,

how it was bland.

Slightly better,

than munching sand.

Was boring as,

a plate of rice.

I greatly need

some special spice.

Now my palate,

I'll put at ease.

by switching to,

Doritos cheese.

Or sample curry

if I was dared

Is this too much,

should I be scared?

I may have said

this all before.

Doritos needs

their own spice store.

J.A.Scott

The Spice of Life

R.a.n.t. of week 11/30/14

As you know, there are many things in this world that enrage me enough to rant about them. But did you know there are many things I feel are not important enough to rant about? Things that just make me wonder, pondering what if, why not or how come? Usually, it's simple stupid stuff. Why do I love watermelon flavoured candy but not watermelons themselves? Why can my home coffee pot never make coffee as rich as Starbucks? Why are some friends addicted to Star Wars but refuse to give Doctor Who a try? How come there are no Doritos flavoured spices?

Okay, I take back what I said about not wanting to complain. If you ask me, Doritos flavoured spices only make a lot of sense. Really, what are Doritos without the flavouring? Just nacho chips. What fun is that? Without the flavouring, they are as boring as eating vanilla flavoured ice cream. Yawn! (Another rant for another time).

What could be better than adding a little nacho cheese flavouring to a casserole? Some Taco flavouring on top of a burger? Maybe a chicken breast spiced with cool ranch? Am I over-thinking this? I can't be the only one. Believe it or not I actually have some strong support in high places. Did you know Taco Bell regards Doritos in such high regard they have tacos flavoured after the chip called Doritos Locos Tacos? And they have been so popular Doritos in turn produced a chip flavoured after the Doritos Locos Tacos? Huh? I'm confused and I think my head just exploded. But at least I have support the Doritos flavour spices can be added to more than just chips. So, what other Doritos flavours would you like to see in spice form? Here are a few of my suggestions.

Spicy Sweet Chili

Intense Pickle

Coconut Curry

Late Night BBQ

Olive

Tomato & Onion Salad

Tuna

Citrus

Andes Rock Salt

Yoghurt & Mint

Your Guess Is As Good As Mine

Random Rants - II

R.a.n.t. of week 09/28/14

It's that time of the year again. That's right, I've dusted off and turned on the twitter machine to once again find what other people are r.a.n.t.ing about. You've heard me complain enough in the past, it's time to see what everyone else has been irate over this past month or two while I've been on blog hiatus. Of course, as always, I've added my own thoughts on each topic.

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Tearoze
Ok, I've now concluded my twitter rant on behalf of all good and authentic bloggers.
>Sorry I missed it. I must not be a good or authentic blogger. But, I'm just getting started with my rants.

Matt
business not seeing jobs as careers but just temp work
>The CEO of McDonald's might disagree with you.

Rosie G.Whey are Mars Bars so much smaller these days? When I was a kid they were so big you had to carry them in a backpack.
>"Fun Size" has ruined the world and made it less fun. Of course, you could try the candy bar in the link below..
World's Largest Chocolate Bar

Kate D
The price of tea in China.
>Is this a rant about how expensive it is? Or just a statement pointing out that China puts a price on tea?

Crystal Espin
When did it become acceptable for PRs to call you less than 24hrs after sending an email because you haven't responded yet?
>I've learned patience is a virtue. However, some people are far too impatient to learn that.

Dani Torres
I can't stand when professor gets behind on grading, like your the one assigning all of this, if you can't keep up with it then stop
>Some people need to learn patience. (See above).

Allyson
It's fall. 2 months till winter. Of course it's gonna be cold! Maybe you should wear more clothes and stop complaining.
>And just a couple months ago, people were complaining it was too hot. The madness never stops.

Marissa Rebischke
Owning a nice camera doesn't make you a photographer. Much like owning a good set of knives doesn't make you a chef.
>Also, standing in a garage doesn't make you a car. And eating gluten free foods doesn't make you trendy. (See last years random r.a.n.t.s).

Fiona Fussi
I HATE castings where models are treated like cattle. Totally disrespectful and humiliating.
>The looks I get when I tell someone I went to McDonald's for dinner. Totally disrespectful and humiliating. I wonder if that's ever happened in Her World.

kennedie carlson
We know you're in college. We know you drink beer. No need to snapchat it everyday.. nobody from high school cares if you look cool
>Same goes for people and selfies. No need to post what you look like every day. I know what you look like, not cool.

Francesco Pretelli ‏
I cant believe airport wifi is a joke everywhere.
>Not a Boingo fan? I don't blame you. You'd think for the price of a ticket, it could be complimentary. Less peanuts, more wifi.

ashley edgar
Not really sure when not caring about things or people became 'cool', but it's not...Care about people, have dreams, and work hard.
>Though I agree, I hope you don't care I stole your rant. My dream this week is to not work hard and let others do my job for me.

Kim Brown
It is mind boggling to me how rain affects traffic. Just drive, people! And turn on your headlights. Many forgetful folks, it seems.
>Tell me about it. "What is this wet stuff falling from the sky? I better drive like an idiot."

Scott Smith
I hate when I send my friends a text message and they never respond do it. Feels like I'm being ignored.

Stephanie Mertens
If you can drink every weekend but complain you're to broke to do anything else, you should probably reevaluate your life
>Maybe step down from drinking Guinness to Pabst? Of course, if you go that route, may as well skip buying the Pabst all together and just turn on the tap water. Tastes about the same.

SLAMMIN
My hands are clammy, my ears are big, I'm a hairy guy and I'm touchy. I've heard them enough. Every now and then a compliment is nice.
>I liked your rant so I stole it for my blog. Hope that counts as a compliment. Also never forget you're good enough, you're smart enough, and dog-gonnit people like you!

Jaclyn ‏
The technology of this generation has absolutely destroyed the quality of relationships, friendships and human interaction in general.
>Tru dat. I h8 interwebs. B dumbing us all down. But INCYDK I no h8r. C Ya!

Jill Rudison
I absolutely detest doing cardio when the fans are blowing straight down on me. I'm trying to sweat here...grrrrrr
>Perhaps the gym thinks it's not cool to sweat, so they turn the fans on as a courtesy? Still, not cool.

Ahna Kate
Absolutely CAN NOT STAND when other parents judge other kids for their actions when they have no clue about their own.
>Or worse, when they are trying to tell you how to discipline your kids and they don't even have any.

LaToya C ‏
You want your coffee done right? Go to Starbucks because McDonalds will play with your emotions
>Let's not limit our dissatisfaction with McDonald's to just it's coffee, okay?

Martin Ferro-Thomsen
Don't be 15 minutes late for a meeting that you requested. It's more than enough time to decide I don't want to do business with you
>Five minutes would do it for me. Unless they came in with coffee. Then I'd be fine with it. Unless it was from McDonald's. (See above).

Andy Welsh ‏
Sydney yeh you have a nice harbour and beaches but shame you get no time to enjoy them because your stuck in traffic all the time.
>Maybe they are only meant to be looked at as you drive by?

Kelsie Fitz
You have a bf and you talk to like 7282 different guys and you think you're adorable but really you're annoying. sorry
>Talk to 7282 different guys? Are you sure? Haven't I told you a million times to stop exaggerating?

sean
Instead of dropping the "unhealthy" foods from school lunches, why doesn't Michelle just tell kids to take a jog.
>Ever try and get a kid to choose between eating an unhealthy food and taking a jog?

Melissa A.R.
Being sick.
>This is what happens when you eat unhealthy school food and refuse to go out for a jog. (See above)

Broooooke ‏
I hate when people ask "why are you dressed up"? umm maybe because I wanna look cute for myself and actually be confident for once
>To be cute and confident? Or in case you run into Justin Timberlake?

Dave Hale ‏
Pps just need to exercise their manors. It doesn't cost you anything to be polite... That is all..
>I hear Bruce Wayne exercises in his manor. Just don't ask if you can use his gym. That wouldn't be good manners.

linds
just bc someone might have more fat on their body than you doesn't mean they can't be healthier or in better shape
>Fair enough, but I've never seen Jabba the Hut win a footrace.

Bacardi Oakheart
I always think rants say more about the person ranting than the thing they're ranting about anyway.
>My blog must say volumes about me then.

michael
people...an apostrophe + "s" does not make a plural!
>People... they're grammar mistakes using apostraphes is hilarious.

Christina M
Being put on the spot....
>Children are good at doing this. Parents just need to teach their kids basic aspects of decency.

Abdullah
So many little kids these days are spoiled ingrates whose parents couldn't bother to teach them the most basic aspects of decency
>Would you rather see the parents smoking in front of their kids? How crazy would that be?

Formula Frank
Seeing a pregnant woman smoking makes me furious. That poor child doesn't have a chance before its even born
>People still do this? Thought everyone had moved over to those 'vapor' cigarettes.

superozzie
"Vapor" cigarettes. They still stink.
>Not that I disagree with you, but people always find something to complain about. (See below).

enrique29
Derek Jeter haters!
>Hating haters. What could be funnier?

Aaron R
Why they put Jarjar Binks into Star Wars Episodes 1-3?
>To give people something to complain about, to sell more toys, to distract from how annoying Anakin was, take your pick.

Jonathan Morrison
The problem isn’t that the 6 Plus bends the most, it’s the fact that IT DOESN’T BEND BACK.
>Come now, let's be nice. Apple is bending over backwards to give us a decent product.

TMI Memes
I hate when people get mad about my tweets. This is a MEME ACC. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY.

Karen Cooking

'Peanut Fried Rice With Fish'

We're cooking something so delish'

We like to cook and have some fun

but just make sure the rice is done.

And keep the skillet very hot,

then wipe your nose, I see your snot.

If your fish you think you'll miss

Quickly give a good-bye kiss.

A little mess from Pierre the klutz

at least he remembered to bring the nuts.

Next get the onions, they'll hit the spot,

what do you mean that you forgot?

Since the onions have been misplaced,

let's sample some of this fish paste.

If you have no cracker to put beneath

perhaps you can use to brush your teeth.

To finish off let's add a lime.

Please do not trip this time.

The food is done, now lets asses.

By golly, we just made a mess.
Cooking for Pemu must've seemed a threat,
that's why she left and went to Pho Viet.

J.A.Scott

If you really want to make Peanut Fried Rice With Fish,
ask Pemu for help. Not Pierre
And use the recipe below.

Ingredients

2 tablespoons oil
1 large onion, chopped (2 cups)
2 1/2 tablespoons minced ginger
1 tablespoon minced garlic
4 cups of cooked Jasmine Rice, cold*
1-2 tablespoons Fish Sauce
1/2-3.5 oz box Peanut Sauce Mix
2 cups cooked and flaked fish** (of choice, grilled or pan-seared)
1/3 cup chopped fresh basil
1 lime cut into 8 wedges
Optional: Favorite hot sauce
*Day old rice works best for fried rice.
**We used salmon for our test, but any firm fleshed fish will do.

Directions
1. In a large non-stick skillet heat oil over a high heat until hot. Add onions and cook until they are a deep brown (caramelized), but not black.
2. Add the ginger and garlic. Stirring, cook 2 or 3 minutes until fragrant. Add Jasmine Rice and Fish Sauce. Stir-fry until rice is coated with oil. Add more oil if too dry.
3. Add 1 inner envelope of Peanut Sauce Mix and fish. Stir-fry until heated through. Mix in basil at the last minute of cooking and serve.
4. Pass a bowl of lime wedges to squeeze on rice. For those who "like it hot" sprinkle on a few drops of hot sauce.

A Taste of Thai


This poem was inspired form a skit I performed with my friend Conrad, called "Karen Cooking". The skit can be viewed HERE:

Sick Day

When I wake up feeling sick,
a stomach flu has held me quick.
There is no food I dare to eat,
lest I run to the bathroom seat.

I lay about in bed all day,
a sickly man's a sad display.
A women will thus tell you true,
quite soon she'd ship him to Peru.

But I am one who has no nurse,
so must endure this health reverse.
Relying on my very wit,
assuring others I'm most unfit.

Longing for a sudden cure.
Will help come? It seems unclear.
The one sure way I can regroup,
a healthy bowl of chicken soup.

J.A.Scott

Cud Chewin'

R.a.n.t. of week 02/23/14

Every once in a while, someone will do something that completely drives me bonkers. True, there are many things people do that are minor irritations, but a few are real 'nails on a chalkboard' vexing. A few years ago, I talked about whistlers. You can find that rant HERE. So you know this rant is not about those people. No, the other type of people in this rant happen to be about gum chewers. But really, not all gum chewers are annoying, and there are varying degrees to which these people can be annoying. I've decided to sort them into categories. Which are you? And which are the ones that annoy you? Why do I do this? Because I can. Actually that last statement is another rant on the horizon.

1.) the Silent Type - This gum chewer is hardly ever noticed. They keep their mouth closed, don't blow any bubbles and in fact, hardly even chew. Usually this type of person is chewing a breath enhancing gum. I have no problem with these gum chewers. Keep on chewing.

2.) the Semi-Active Type - This person does chew gum but it's fairly silent for the most part. They may blow a bubble, but draw it back into their mouths and pop it silently. Depending on the activity, I'm usually okay with these type of gum chewers too.

3.) the Bubble Man - Chewing gum isn't a pastime for this type of person, it's a sport. Who can blow the biggest bubble? They may even take the gum out of their mouth to visibly inspect it. Did it break the world record? Let's find out. The gum is then sucked back into the mouth in a noisy fashion, almost sounding like a vacuum in reverse. The novice bubble man doesn't know when to stop blowing and usually explodes his bubble, sometimes covering his face in a gooey mess. Attractive? Not really. Annoying? Sometimes, depends on how active they are and at what skill level.

4.) the Over-Active Type - Bubble blowing? Check. Cracking the gum? Check. Chewing veraciously? Check. It's as second nature as breathing in and breathing out. In other words, they hardly realize they are doing it and even less aware it might annoy anyone. This person blows bubbles, sucks them in noisily, cracks the gum for a bit, has a conversation with someone to show off their gum, crack it a few times, then lather, rinse, repeat. (See picture above).

5.) the Smacker - Never mind bubble blowing, to the smacker the gum is enjoyable enough. So good in fact they must enjoy every chew. Mouth wide open and each chew is amplified ten-fold. How do they do it? I don't know. I'd almost be impressed by how much noise their lip smacking and cud chewing is if it were not so annoying. To make matters worse, it's not a random occurrence. It seems these type of gum enthusiasts always have gum in their mouth. These are the people who are found in most libraries. These are the people whose mothers had to cut gum out of their hair regularly or applied peanut butter or mayonnaise to their hair an a regular basis. They also sit a row behind me in the theatre, a line over in the DMV queue, ringing up my groceries, haunting my nightmares. Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Sorry, I got a little carried away there. Where was I?

Honourable Mention.) the Improviser - This person doesn't actually chew gum. Instead they chew on whatever is handy. A loose thread from their clothes, a piece of hay, their own tongue, a chewing gum wrapper, two hour old celery, maybe even their own cud! Who knows? Point is, it can be just as annoying.

Gum Chewing Cow

Insomnia

R.a.n.t. of week 12/22/13

It's 2:00 AM and unlike the rest of the city, you are wide awake. The sheep have run off, you are out of warm milk and suddenly you notice how loud the bathroom tap drips. I've had this problem the past few nights. There always seems to be some other reason why I can't fall asleep. Either I've had too much coffee in the day (okay, my own fault), or my back is hurting (I may need a new bed), or there is too much on my mind. Trust me, with two teen-age kids in the house, there is a LOT to worry about. So, what's a person to do? I posed this question earlier today and came up with a few suggestions which I'll post in a bit, but first, you may wonder what ways I have found to combat this sort of malady.

Find something to pass the time. In January of this year, I discussed the benefits of Facebook. Certainly, Facebook isn't for everyone, but it has it's uses when one is bored, or needs to find something tiring to do. Spend a few minutes on one of the Facebook games and you'll be sure to start sawing logs soon enough. Not a fan of playing games online? There is always the option of scrolling Facebook and replying to updates others have left. Or peruse the many photos and articles your friends have shared with everyone.
Click HERE to recall this rant.

Do a bit of studying. March was when I seriously started dedicating myself to learning a foreign language. So lately my evenings have been spend practising reading the Karen Sgaw language which is written in a different script than what most Westerners are used to. By the time I'm done with a full page, I'm yawning and getting restless. Perhaps doing something like learning a foreign language may be the thing to do when you are sitting wide awake early in the morning. At least it's a consideration.
Click HERE to recall this rant.

Facebooking and learning something new not your style? Perhaps you can spend the wee hours preparing grocery lists and making sure you have all items needed for whatever intended recipe you plan to prepare for the week. I just ask one simple favour. How about finding a recipe or two that does not include cooking vegetables? In April I was relating how much I hated onions, really cooking vegetables in general, but most specifically onions. Go on, give it a try. It's early morning, you are battling insomnia, certainly you can be creative enough to devise some type of dish that does not require nasty onions or fungus? If you are unsure how your cooking will be without the use of such items, I'll happily come along and sample for you.
Click HERE to recall this rant.

Sometimes when I'm awake at night I use music to change my mood. Soft music can do wonders for a restless spirit. My particular favourite type of music when trying to fall asleep is soothing jazz, classical, or even light contemporary. The problem with light contemporary, though, at times radio stations play music with a faster beat to it, which really doesn't lull one to sleep. More often, it tends to make a person want to get up and dance. One such song I heard played on a soft rock station on evening in June dealt with the year 1985. True, I've always been pre-occupied with that very year so I took a liking to it. So much in fact, I mocked it in one of my weekly rants. Essentially I took each line of the song and moulding it to fit my own particular lifestyle.
Click HERE to recall this rant.

One of the last things I can suggest is a light snack to help the body along it's journey towards slumber. I'm not talking about running to Taco Bell or throwing a pizza in the oven. After all the fuss of running around outside or in the kitchen, you'll be more likely to keep awake instead of falling back to sleep. Go with something simple, a piece of cheese, a chicken leg, maybe even a balogna sandwich. Something simple and easy you can enjoy all to yourself. Speaking of dining alone, I talked about this very subject back in September. Granted, it was more about dining out alone at restaurants, but I think the point is taken. Sometimes it's good to dine alone, sometimes - not.
Click HERE to recall this rant.

Finally, the last thing I've found to do when I'm wide awake, is utilize the quiet time to get some writing done. Like a few of the suggestions given above, I know this isn't for everyone, but it does work for me and I know a few other people this works for too. Jenni, one of my literary friends, has expressed to me how insomnia is even a blessing for her when she's trying to get an article finished for her magazine. As for Jenni, she came in handy several weeks ago in November when I decided to write a blog article on Ghost-writing. I secretly had her write the intro for my rant of the week, though I revealed it was her writing it, in the next paragraph. So what about you?
Click HERE to recall this rant.


What do you find to do when suffering insomnia? Do you or will you utilize one of the suggestions above? Or maybe you have something else that helps. As mentioned before, here are a few suggestions from what other people this morning said about the topic.

Terry - I've memorized all 66 books of the bible... I go over them in order in my head and that helps.

Courtney - I just got this really good idea for a great story...at 1:57am and has kept me up, now 3:09am.

Mondo - When I start to get some good sleep, a co-worker would start spraying me with water.

Jenni Long - I go over Jeffrey's blog and count all the errors and typos.

Professor Sanee - When I can't sleep, I go out for a drive.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jenni Long is a writer and editor
of the Canadian children's magazine
'Fille Forte'. That being said, her
thoughts do not necessarily reflect
those of myself.
____________________________________________ 

Professor Sanee resides in Italy and
teaches the course 'the Ethics of
Humour' at I.M.A. She's also author of
the book, "Why Isn't Anyone Laughing?"

Fast Talkers

R.a.n.t. of week 09/15/13

Auctioneers - One of my "guilty pleasure" type shows is called 'Storage Wars'. It's about a group of people who visit storage lockers that are being auctioned off because the owner of locker has defaulted in payments or abandoned. Let's just gloss over that many claim the show is rigged and some of the 'hidden treasures' are planted by the producers. To be honest, I could care less, the show is entertaining. Barry is hysterical, Brandi is gorgeous, Darrell kind of reminds me of one of my obnoxious yet best friends, and Dave is..... well no longer with the show. Am I okay with that? Yuuuuuuup!!!!!!!!!! Finally we have Dan and Laura Dotson - (Dotson, Dotson, we have Dotson here!); the auctioneers. One thing I've never fully understood was auctioneer speech. What's with the high speed talk? Is it really necessary? Okay, so you want to move things along, but does the high speed linguistics truly help? For the most part, no one understands a word being said until the auctioneer calls out a raise in price or the end of the auction. "bla bla bla bla bla 45 dollars bla bla bla do I hear 50? 50, 50 bla bla bla 50. Going once, going twice, SOLD for 45 dollars!

Jimmy John's - Anyone with one of these restaurants in their area has likely heard one of the commercials on the radio. Usually it involves a couple of the employees discussing how fast they truly are. As implied in the commercials, they are freaky fast! I recall one of the first times I went into a Jimmy John's, employees were throwing bread and wrapped sandwiches around in a frenzy, seemingly moving at freaky fast speeds. I almost wonder how many breads fell to the floor and were simply dusted off and reused. So does speaking fast, mean you can make a fast sandwich? Certainly a question I'll have to ask Dan Dotson if I ever meet him. But I think I know the answer to that, especially after my last drive-thru experience. Having ordered a sub, I waited twelve minutes for my sandwich. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE their sandwiches, but that was freaky slow. Unless of course they just ordered my sub from another location and it only took 12 minutes to bring that sub to this location. Now that would be freaky! Come to think of it, it WAS a Friday.

Commercials - Not much to say about this besides how much I hate when commercials do this. Usually it's a radio commercial because TV just shows the unreadable fine print. A radio commercial doesn't have that luxury so it spends 20 seconds of a 30 second spot claiming how wonderful their new and fantastic offer is, then ten seconds quickly letting everyone know what is exempt from this wonderfully, fantastic offer. By the time the commercial is done, you've forgotten what the offer is and you now have a headache trying to either listen to and/or understand what that buzzing display of wording was.

Phone Messages - Probably my least liked fast talker is the yahoo's who leave phone messages. Particularrly the ones who gab on for two long minutes, then as they leave a contact number it's "Fo-one-fo-fi-fi-five-si-oh-thr-two. Call me back". Then comes a dial tone and me saying "Okay, I got 414." Then I realize I have to listen to the entire two minute slow, painful oral drivel once or twice more. Depending on how quickly I can decipher the jumble of numbers thrown at me. Don't throw things at me, seriously. There's a reason I don't play sports very often.

Chili Food

When eating food, it must be spicy.

Though my ulcer thinks it's dicey.

I ignore the threat, so turn up the heat!

It's quite an adventure when I eat.

If made from chillies, I will crave.

My ulcer thinks I'm very brave.

J.A.Scott

Random Rants

R.a.n.t. of week 08/25/13

Now that my anniversary has passed, I began wondering if other people have a tendency to r.a.n.t. as much as I do. So this week I decided to switch on the twitter machine and see what twitterers have been r.a.n.t.ing about for the past few months. Would I find anything? You better believe it! I'm happy to report I found a cache of rant fodder to do my job for me this week. Honestly, don't we all feel better when we are ranting about something we have no control over? So without further ado, I'll let twitter take it away. Included below each rant are a few of my own personal thoughts or replies on each topic.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


Mike Panic
attn n00b photographers. plz focus on making photographs, not on how to throw giant watermarks across the middle of mediocre snapshots.
>I tried the whole watermark thing for awhile. Seemed to be more trouble than it was worth, and I never truly felt my photos were so spectacular I needed to watermark them. 

Sophie Lomax
Girls I don't care how skinny you think you look. Stop wearing leggings as jeans!!! Wear a long top for gods sake!
>I agree, and while we are giving fashion tips, can we also suggest guys stop wearing sagging pants? No one wants to see your underpants.

Nomadic Matt
I think the TSA should have 2 lines: one for frequent fliers who know what they are doing and one for everyone else.
>As a fellow traveller, I couldn't agree more. Can we do the same thing at grocery speed zones as well?

Southern Girl
You only need to avoid gluten if your body cannot digest it. It's not some trendy diet. It doesn't make you sound cool. Just stop!
>My favourite game is to walk into Trader Joe's and as for the whole wheat gluten free bread.

Chris Fore
Why can't people just be responsible for themselves anymore these days?! It's ALWAYS somebody else's fault. Pisses me off.
>It's called the blame game. The one game where everyone loses and nobody wins. But we all play it.

Danniella Westbrook
People who try & add people they don't know on fb, cos they've seen em on a mates friend list.. Is weird & worrying.
>I get requests from people who aren't even friends of my friends. Well, I only have so many FB friends, but it's still weird.

Kennady Nance
Stop acting like your parents are the worst people ever and they're ruining your life. Imagine your life without them.
>Can you come talk to my kids for me?

Kim Brown
"You look tired." - Drives me NUTS to hear that, esp. when I'm not tired. Might as well say, "Ya look like crap. Have a good one!"
>At least they didn't say you look dazed and confused. I hate when my friends say that about me.

Scott Smith
I hate when people steal my tweets and use them without my permission.
>Smile! You're on Candid Camera!

Amanda White
When I get to a country, I land, then I wander around and see whats happening! Don't do it via a book! Get amongst it people!
>I agree, I love walking around and getting lost in the crowds. If you follow the books, you are just going to see what every other tourist sees. So much more fun to find the hidden gems.

Jakie Manevski
I don't understand how nice, selfless people ALWAYS end up being stepped all over by friends.
>Because if you weren't nice, you wouldn't allow yourself to be stepped on.

Lindsay
Some people on House Hunter are soooo annoying! Quick being so picky, you have unrealistic standards for the budget you're rockin
>Word on the street is the people on this show already own the house in question. So what are they really complaining about? It must be all for show.

Rose Garcia
Dummies. Lots of them exist. Its rather annoying.....
>That's why there are a lot of 'dummies' books. So, probably not annoying to the writers of that book series.

Bailey McBroom
It makes me mad when people try to talk louder to deaf people. They're deaf. That's not going to help.
>I've seen the same thing happen when someone is trying to converse with one who speaks another language. Years ago, I knew this lady visiting from Japan and her English was limited, but not vacant. Another friend would always speak louder and enunciated every word. Shiako once asked me if there was something wrong with Anna.

Rozanne Stevens
Unless it's for charity, if I give up my weekend to work at YOUR event at my own expense, please have the courtesy to say thank you
>Thank you. For allowing me to steal your tweet.

rakyat
I love when how people who don't say hello or whatever suddenly come to you when they need help and forget you afterwards
>I call that being a convenient friend. I'm a friend when it's convenient for them.

Greek Gent
don't say "I'm OCD". That doesn't make sense. You're Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? That phrase is an oxymoron in itself.
>Reminds me of Michael Scott's quote, "I need this ASAP as possible."

Chloe Driver
Scrolling through my feed to see complaints about heat, ye begged for it all year so be grateful
>And there will be those demanding snow, only to complain about it once it arrives.

regan
Some girls really don't deserve to be as pretty as they are. They should make all the genuine nice people the prettiest people. Okay
>It's what's inside that counts. Prettiness tends to lead to vanity for some reason.

Aimee Willmott
Have not watched any other Britain's got talent shows other than tonight's final but sorry they ain't British!
>Same thing happens on America's Got Talent. "Hi I'm from Russia". Then maybe you should appear on Russia's Got Talent.

Tim Peers
Seems to be the same people day after day going to the beach... None of you got jobs..?!
>Just curious, are you reporting from the beach?

Wisconsin State Fair - 2013

You just never know who you are going to run into at the Wisconsin State Fair.

His name was Rock-It, a pretty cool moving 'robot'.

An interesting cake on display. Always fun to check out the award winning projects.

How could I have a State Fair set without something new 'on a stick'.

The claw game! Actually, I think this was used to move bails of hey for the animals.

To get a birds eye view of the fair, they sky carts are a must!

It's also fun to drop dollar bills to the crown below and watch kids scramble for the money.

Designate a driver at the Wisconsin State Fair? Do they know they are in Wisconsin?

Just kidding. Be safe, but stay thirsty my friends!

I always like to try something new. This time I decided to try Kangaroo and Alligator Jerky.

Something new I didn't try was bug infused candy. Yes, real bugs were used in the making of these candies.

These were my highlights of the fair. What's your favourite part?