Sunday, December 21, 2014

Spock, I Am Not

R.a.n.t. of week 12/21/14
Years ago, (let's say over 25) I was dealing with some traumatic things in my life. As the daft, emotionally, awkward teen I was at the time, I rarely allowed my emotions to surface. Or to be more precise. I never placed them on display. I would hold everything in. Unlike Spock, it wasn't really intentional, it was just something I did. I hadn't really noticed till one day my brother was upset with me for not being more emotionally distraught about what we were going through. I remembered him yelling at me, "You're Spock!" as though it were an insult of ultimate shame. I always find it somewhat funny. Though to be honest, I don't recall laughing about it at the time. I most likely held that in as well.

It was probably about the same time I made the concious decision not to write poetry. I considered it too "girly" and saw no point to it. As I recall, any of the poetry I wrote at that time was forced upon me through school courses. One of the first poems I wrote (if not the first) turned out to be a favourite of several people, though I never truly liked it. You can find that poem in my collection on this site. It's found HERE. To this day, I'm still unsure how I feel about it.

I was the same for many years, but as time goes on, one changes. For instance, I'm more in touch with my emotions and I proudly put them on display. I embrace each emotion and not ashamed of any. If I'm happy and I know it..... Why did I suddenly start singing? If I'm happy, I show it. If I'm sad, I show it. If you don't like it, too bad, I can't help that. But I also do poetry now too. I've found it to be expressive and beautiful or depressing and thoughtful. At times you can do more in a few lines of poetry than you can in a few paragraphs of prose. Poetry can be de-constructed and interpreted different ways. And that's partially why I'm not afraid of my emotions and will display them, I'm not worried about how others perceive me. Sure, some may see me in my gloomy moods and think that's all that Jeffrey Scott is, but how wrong they would be. As most of my readers here know, I'm also a very funny person and do much to express that as well. Whatever the mood, that's who Jeffrey Scott is, but it's never all-inclusive. Each mood is just a portion of the package. We are all happy, sad, gloomy, grumpy, excited, pensive, excited, stressed, courageous, amused, fearful or surprised from time to time. I have found a way to embrace each emotion and use each emotion. If I'm sad, I'll keep myself sad and use it. I'll write poetry, or just explore the emotion as much as I can. Others, like Spock, will just hold it in, angry at others for not feeling how they want them to feel.

Also, I am not:

I may seem distant at times, but I'm not unfamiliar with having fun. I have a large assortment of games at home; be them video, card or board games. You can always find something fun to do at my house.

I may not seem very adventuresome at times, but I'm always willing to try something new. Like travelling alone overseas. I just love doing that now. I'm also not afraid of trying new foods, even if I know I won't like it. And trust me, I've been served some really odd things.

Humour may be a difficult concept, but I simply adore it. Love to have fun and play humorous tricks on people. Also like throwing in a few "Easter Eggs", even if for my own enjoyment.

I'm a big fan of 80's music as everyone knows. But it's not the only lyrical muse capable of captivating and inspiring my heart and soul. Jazz, classical, modern top 40, pop, rock, local, the list could go on.

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