Sunday, December 14, 2014

Open Door Policy

R.a.n.t. of week 12/14/14
Here's an interesting little fact. When the front door is open in the Midwestern states during winter, cold air blows in. Did you know that? Apparently it's news to some people, primarily others in the same apartment as me. The problem is, one of the tenants lives upstairs and away from the back door and the rest of the uninformed people work for the business which also uses the same door. Additionally, the outside door is next to my kitchen door and when the outside door is left open cold air rushes into my kitchen under the door.

Suggestions on how to resolve the situation are simple enough.
1.) Ignore the problem. It'll go away in about four months.
2.) Move
3.) Approach each person and instruct them on how to close a door.
4.) Every time someone enters or leaves, open my apartment door and slam the outside door loudly.
5.) Put up a sign that reads, 'This door does not close itself. I've asked it to do so many times, but it refuses. Can you assist?"
6.) Hire a doorman
7.) Administer electro-shock therapy to those unable to figure out how to close a door.
8.) Ever time someone successfully closes the door, walk out and pat them on the head, telling them what a good boy they are (or girl) and how proud I am of them.
9.) Weld the door shut. I can use my front door. The office can use a window. Upstairs tenant can slide down a pole like Batman used to do.
10.) Pay an older lady to sit by the door and tsk people who leave the door open. She will reply with. "No, don't worry about me. I LIKE the door open blowing cold air on my feet."
11.) Train a monkey to sit on the steps and throw poo at anyone who does not close the door.

Did I miss any?

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