Chit-Chat

R.a.n.t. of week 01/26/70

When I was younger, I could chat forever on the phone with my friends. With one of my friends, in fact, it was so hard to say good-bye to we devised a system where after an hour or so, we'd finally agree to count to three and hang up. Seriously, if we didn't do that, one of us would think of one last thing to bring up, and suddenly we'd be on the phone for another hour. To be honest, we still do that to this day, more out of nostalgia than absolutely being necessary. The only drawback to this feature is when other people are generally around when I talk to him on the phone, they (my kids) always know to whom I've been talking to. I suppose everyone who has an 'oldest' friend likely has some quirk they still engage in. What is it you still do with your closest friend?

But now that I'm older, I have a hard time finding even small things to talk about. Unless I have somehow grasped their attention with a story, I find it really hard to chit-chat. As for grasping someone's attention, I don't generally have a great story to share with others because I'm now a generally boring individual. Most of my conversations lately consist of me saying, uh huh, yes yes, oh really, I know. I've become quite the good listener. When I do work up the nerve to initiate a conversation it's usually something like, "I must be invisible". It's supposed to be a joke, usually when a friend walks past me without acknowledging me. Of course, then the rest of the conversation is fairly awkward and I ponder for the next few hours if I just sounded like a jerk. What have been some of your feeble attempts to initiative a conversation with someone, that failed. Here are my top ten.


Jeffrey Scott's Top 10 Worst Chit-Chat Initiations

10. I must be invisible.
9. Did you lose a fight or something?
8. Can I get a raise?
7. Cold enough for you?
6. You have tissue on the bottom of your shoe.
5. Hi Shuma, wait, no. It's Kayra, right?
4. Wanna hear a joke?
3. So I hear (favourite sports team) lost again.
2. Do you have a quarter?
1. Did you fly here with your broom?

Out Of The Loop

R.a.n.t. of week 09/08/13

One of the things I hate most is being out of the loop. I always seem to be the last one thought of and reached to be told important information. For years I've had to battle with this, a lack of communication on other peoples end. Not saying I've never had a 'duh' moment, failing to hear or understand what someone has said to me. I think anyone that knows me, knows I'm very perceptive. This lack of communication on the part of others has most definitely honed my perceptive powers by having me figure things out from clues other people have said or done. Yes, probably that and watching the Mentalist.

There is a joke I have with one of my closest friends which stems from an experience where I learned my father was getting remarried from a third party. The conversation went something like this:
Bill: "So I hear your father is getting married."
Me: "He is?"

Other awkward moments from my past. Firstly, one that generally transpires at work.
Me: "I'm heading out for lunch."
Boss: "I've got a meeting in ten minutes, I'll need you to stick around. Hope you brought a lunch."
Me: "No, no I didn't.

The ex-wife.
Me: "What would you like for our anniversary?"
EW: "I want a divorce."

The Good Humour Man.
Me: "I'll have the peanut buster parfait."
GHM: "Sorry kid, we don't have peanuts any more. People are allergic to them."
Me: "But I had one just last week, why didn't you say you were eliminating them?"
GHM: "I sell ice cream kid, what do you want from me?"
Me: "A peanut buster parfait."

All jokes (en fait, half-jokes) aside, I'm still plagued by this predicament to this day. Usually, I'm finding information about my kids from third sources (because the ex isn't telling me anything). Or when I'm trying to do research, there is a spattering of information available, but I still have to rely on other people to help out. (Another story and r.a.n.t. for another time). Essentially, I feel I have to bug people to get information I would personally like, and I'm getting tired of bugging people. I hate being an annoyance to others. Once again, I must rely on my detective skills to fill in the gaps. Did I ever mention my sister and I always wanted to become P.I.'s? You know what they say, knowledge is power. Or so School House Rock used to teach me.

Talk To Her

Never have I been so bold,

I've always been so shy.
Crippled ever by my fear,
unlike every other guy.

I saw her glancing my way,
but still I couldn't know,
Was it me she's looking for
and would our friendship grow?

I wondered this through the night,
I just couldn't make my move.
I would greet her, she would laugh,
what ever would that prove?

Then I remembered something,
the famous Jackson sung,
splendid words to keep in mind
to motivate my tongue

"I know I'm gonna know her,
gotta get over my fright,
just gonna walk up to her,
gonna talk to her tonight."

This inspired me to go,
twas then that I did see
she grew tired of waiting
and came to talk to me.

J.A.Scott

Cinema Talkers

R.a.n.t. of week 08/22/04

Let me preface this with a 100% assurance that I don't really hate you. That said, STOP IT! I really hate you. Well, more to the point, when you talk to me and I'm trying to listen to something. The caption above says cinema talkers, but it can also apply to talking whenever you are trying to hear something. I know this is probably one of the most petty things to rant about, but it's still something that annoys me so I'm going to rant away.

What's even more irritating than the cinema talkers, is trying to think of a valid reason to tell someone, "Hush, you are not as important as what I'm watching on TV", because it's NOT TRUE. So what's the point? If I'm paying 12 quid to see a feature film, you can bet I'm going to give it my full attention. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to talk. But I love to talk in the morning over a cup of java, or in the evening with a pint of beer.

Seriously, I have a hard enough time paying attention when I'm talking to someone without distractions, add in one or two and you may as well be talking to me while I'm sleeping, I may retain just as much information. So if we are watching TV, pause it if you have something profound to say. At the theatre; can it wait till after the show? Don't worry, you can still ask me to pass the popcorn.
Reprinted 11/23/12




*PLEASE NOTE - I recently found old R.a.n.t. articles posted to a website I once owned. I've decided to reprint them in my current run. However, ironically enough, I'm not to fond of the writing so I've decided to edit the articles and repost them. For comparisons sake, I've decided to run the edited version as well as the original. In a way, it's kind of fun to see how my writing has changed in eight years.

Original R.a.n.t.
Movie Talkers
I’m not really sure why, but something that really irritates me is when I’m trying to watch something and the person you are with just wants to talk to you. It doesn’t have to be a movie either; it could be something on TV or in the theatre. I’m trying to pay attention to what is going on and sure enough the person that wants to talk to you does so as something important is being said. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I don’t like the people that do that; it just irritates me when they do that. And how do you kindly tell someone, ‘hush I’m watching something that is more important than you.’ You can’t, because what you are watching is NOT more important, it’s just that you’d like to listen to what is being said. I’m a person that loves to talk, and talk I do once I get going. But when I do talk, I like to do so over coffee, with the TV off, not in the theatre. Otherwise I have a hard time catching what is going on, and if you know me even a little, you know I have a hard enough time paying attention when someone is talking to me without distractions. My opinion? Talk on the way home after the movie or during commercials. If watching a DVD pause it if you need to discuss what is going on, or if the last scene reminded you of your Aunt Gertrude and the time she tripped on a child toy lying on the floor. Trust me, your friends watching with you will appreciate it.