I'm posting this entry from the past.
My bloggers flux capacitor is primed and ready.
Posting this entry now, and should be seen October 21, 2015
The same date Doc Brown and Marty arrive from the past. November 5, 1985
If my calculations are correct. When this post hits 88 comments, you're going to see some serious wit.
R.a.n.t. of week 01/04/15
According to the film, Back To The Future II, 2015 is an exciting time for us. We have a plethora of awesome inventions making our life simpler, cooler and more enjoyable. Take the Black and Decker Food Hydrator. Gone are the days of heating up the oven to 350°, placing a frozen pizza in the oven and waiting twelve minutes. Now we simply place a dehydrated pizza into the hydrator (which is voice activated mind you), tell it to cook at level four and wait a mere twelve seconds before taking the piping hot pizza out, already sliced. The only draw-back of this model is it's not as fast as those new models which can accomplish the same task is just six seconds, but boy oh boy, your mother will sure know how to hydrate a pizza.
Unfortunately, a few days ago, I had a bad experience at Target. When I asked where I might find a food hydrator the sales clerk just laughed at me. So it appears Back to the Future lied to us! All those great inventions they promised us do not actually exist. Whoa! That's heavy! And yes, to all you who are about to point out to me that it's just a movie and I should not get overly excited about all this, I do know that. It's just a bit of fun. If you truly want to be over critical of my blog post, you can make like a tree and get out of here!
Other inventions we won't see in 2015.
Fashion (Part One) Self Adjusting Jacket
This brings new meaning to 'one size fits all'. No more worrying about finding a jacket that fits just right. Every jacket in 2015 will be the perfect fit. This particular one comes with the additional feature of drying itself, so never worry about being caught in the rain. (If that's a problem for you, perhaps you should pay more attention to the weather service.)
Fashion (Part Two) Ties
Gone are the boring days of wearing a single silk tie. Now we can wear two ties at once. Ever have a problem deciding which tie goes best with your suit? Now you don't have to decide, wear both ties. Or in a few rare occasions, you can still wear a single tie, just make sure the tie is invisible, or clear at the very least.
Our list will continue in just a minute. But first...
We are back!
Fashion (Part Three) Nike w/ Power Laces
Never bend over to tie your shoes again. With Power Laces, you simply place your foot in the shoe and the power laces do the job for you. Comfortable and secure shoes are now the norm. Never be fooled that your shoes is untied ever again.
Hover Tech (Part One) Automatic Dog Walker
Back in my day, when we had a dog, we had to take care of it. If the dog wanted to go out, we had to take him, when he went poo, we had to pick it up, when he wanted to be petted, we had to pet it. You kids are spoiled these days. You can have a dog and not have to give it any attention.
Hover Tech (Part Two) Hovercam
On the plus side, hovercams can go where they are needed as quickly as possible. Additionally, they can go to remote areas hard to get at. Having many on stand-by hovering over the city, they can be where the action is almost immediately. Bad news is, Jimmy Olsen is out of a job.
Hover Tech (Part Three) Hover Conversion
Tired of sitting in traffic on the roads? Get a hover conversion and you can sit in traffic in the air. Getting from point A to point B has never been easier, and you can get there as the crow flies. Goldie Wilson III can install an affordable conversion for only $39,999.95. BEWARE! Some con-artists will try to sell you a Hoover Conversion. Mayor Goldie Wilson wanted to clean up this town, but I don't think that was what he had in mind.
Hover Tech (Part Four) Hoverboard
Doing tricks and being slick was never easier. Whether you are using a Mattel, No Tech or Rising Sun brand, you are likely to find the right board for you. Just remember, a hoverboard does not work on water, unless you've got power. For that, I'd suggest the Pit-bull.
Holo Tech (Part One) Holobillboards
Remember back in the day when billboards were just large paper advertisements? Everything had to be written and there was no automatic updates when needed. With holobillboards, we can hear additional information about acquiring hover conversion and how things used to be in the past. Or how about automatic updates when our favourite team wins the World Series! I hear the Milwaukee Brewers are favoured to win in 2016.
Holo Tech (Part Two) Holomax Theater
Why just watch a movie when you can experience it? Holomax theaters make you feel like you are right in the thick of things. In Star Wars XII you can BE the Jedi. Indiana Jones VIII lets you accompany Indy on his perilous journeys. Go head to head with Rocky in Rocky XIII. Want to know what it's like to be eaten by a shark? See Jaws XIX. Be forewarned though, reviews say the shark still looks fake.
We will return to our blog post, but first a word from our sponsor
We now continue the blog post.
Binocular Card
Small enough to fit in your back pocket and advanced enough to zoom in clearly. Utilizing the photographic feature of this binocular card makes it perfect for bird watching. Get it? Bird watching? Well, my friends in the UK will understand.
Bionic Implants
We can rebuild man, we have the technology. Better, stronger, faster. Of course for peak performance, a decent upgrade can cost upwards of six million dollars. Or you can go the bargain basement route. Unfortunately, you get what you pay for and should expect a few short circuits in your bionic implants.
Garden Center
Tired of buying fruits at the super market only to have them go bad in a day or so? Of course not, you have the Garden Center. Fruits grown at home and preserved for just the moment you crave a bunch of grapes, apple or whatever else you decide to plant. No worries about the time it takes, the Garden Center does most of the work for you. Besides, you have extra time, you no longer have to walk the dog.
Master-Cook
Don't know how to cook? Who does? We have Master-Cooks now, so who has to? The Master-Cook is fully stocked with recipes of all sorts, helps with the preparing and cooking as well. Still having problems? Well, you can always hydrate a pizza.
Home Energy Reactor
"Never take the trash out again!" Remember that slogan when Mr. Fusion first came out? That caught every guys attention right away. But it's true, with your own home energy reactor you can turn your garbage into energy. Let the wife nag you all she wants about eating too many bananas and drinking too much beer. You know you are just doing your part to keep your homes energy level maxed out. Tell her to leave you alone and go watch her soaps.
Illuminated Parking
Back in the old days, you had to search hi and low for signs which indicated where you could or could not park. Not so any more. You'd have to be colour blind to get a ticket now. If the curb is blue - there's parking for you. If the curb is red - park up ahead.
Pepsi Perfect
Vitamin enriched soda. My grandfather had to eat cereal if he wanted to get all his daily allowance of vitamins and minerals. Now you can make Pepsi a 'Perfect' part of this complete dinner.
Rejuvenation Clinic
Add years to your life at a rejuvenation clinic. When you get a natural overhaul, you never again have to worry about a botched facelift. Are you looking for something simple like hair repair? We can do that. Or perhaps you need a spleen or colon replaced. Yes, we can do that do. You will feel and look years younger. Just don't spook the kids or animals when you get home with how much more different you'll look.
Once again, we are taking a break to pay our bills.
Welcome back to our blog post.
Scenery Channel
Technology that's really not that futuristic. The biggest problem is finding an actual need. Will watching a display screen over your window convince you you have been transported into a nicer neighbourhood, or one of your favourite locations overseas? Would the cost of the screen and the subscription to the scenery channel make you feel any more relaxed? Certainly the scenery channel repairmen won't. Typically they like to make fun of you and call you a chicken, for whatever reason.
Sleep Inducing Alpha Rhythm Generator
Ugggghhh, my wife hates me! After a hard day of work installing the scenery channel at losers house-holds, she makes me walk the dog, then put the kids to bed. Fortunately my sleep inducing alpha rhythm generator helps knock the kids out in ten seconds flat. Next she'll be asking me to hydrate a pizza as soon as I walk in the door. Oh great! Now she wants to talk about her day. I'll rant later, I need to go charge my sleep inducing alpha rhythm generator. Time for some quiet time. For her or for me, not sure which yet.
Automated Service Stations
Have your windows washed, oil changed, gas filled landing gear checked, all at the same time. Never before in history has going to the service station been any easier. And you never have to get out of your car. Compu-serve comes right to your window where you can pay with just a press of your thumb. Thank you. Please come again.
Thumbprint Technology
Once upon a time, we had to carry an odd assortment of items along with us wherever we went. Keys, credit cards, identification cards, money, so on and so forth. Now all we need is our thumb print. If we want to enter our homes, we just scan our thumb. Finished shopping at the store? Scan your thumb. Start our cars? Scan our thumb. Police need to know who we are if they find us tranked in a back alley somewhere? They can scan our thumb. Historical society badgering us for funds to preserve the clock tower? Just thumb them $100 bucks to shut them up. Transient begging us for money? Hit the road! Just be careful, there are thumb bandits out there. They won't steal your wallet, but they might steal your thumb.
Video Glasses
An essential part of any teenagers life. Video glasses make it easier to cut off the rest of the family and pretend they don't exist, than ever before. If you want to watch a few channels of television in privacy or you just want to chat with a friend or two. Check out our beautiful model displaying her video glasses. All the cool kids have one, and you have to believe that, because it's posted on the internet.
Video Waiter Simulacrum
Remember when Max Headroom was all the rage? No? Well, if you blinked in the 80s then you missed it. Despite that, these Max Headroom inspired video waiters are ready to serve you. Ronald Reagan is anxious to take your order. But watch out, Ayatollah Khomeini wants you to have the 'Hostage Special' and he doesn't care who he has to push out of the way to make sure you get exactly what you want, as long as it's what he wants you to have. A Michael Jackson video waiter is also available and he'll be thrilled to take your order too. Want an egg? He'll Beat It any way you want it. Sorry, was that joke Bad? Don't blame me, It was Billie Jean's fault. Can you fault her? It's only Human Nature. (These jokes just get worse and worse).
Video Phone
Another invention not so far off the mark. Scype anyone? However, a video phone is not exactly a standard feature in most homes, certainly not one that gives off personal details of who you are talking to. Seriously, do we really need to know how many kids our phone acquaintance has? Or their job, or address, or food preferences, or vital statistics or body measurements? No wonder Needles is such a jerk.
Weather Service
More reliable than the postal system, the weather service accurately predicts the weather to the tick. But it not only predicts the weather, it makes the weather. Worried about a coming blizzard? Don't be. All of this moisture coming up out of the Gulf is gonna push off to the east and hit Altoona. Do you remember life before the weather service? We also had to worry about sub-zero temperatures in the Winter. Glad that's not a problem any more.
Years ago, (let's say over 25) I was dealing with some traumatic things in my life. As the daft, emotionally, awkward teen I was at the time, I rarely allowed my emotions to surface. Or to be more precise. I never placed them on display. I would hold everything in. Unlike Spock, it wasn't really intentional, it was just something I did. I hadn't really noticed till one day my brother was upset with me for not being more emotionally distraught about what we were going through. I remembered him yelling at me, "You're Spock!" as though it were an insult of ultimate shame. I always find it somewhat funny. Though to be honest, I don't recall laughing about it at the time. I most likely held that in as well.
It was probably about the same time I made the concious decision not to write poetry. I considered it too "girly" and saw no point to it. As I recall, any of the poetry I wrote at that time was forced upon me through school courses. One of the first poems I wrote (if not the first) turned out to be a favourite of several people, though I never truly liked it. You can find that poem in my collection on this site. It's found HERE. To this day, I'm still unsure how I feel about it.
I was the same for many years, but as time goes on, one changes. For instance, I'm more in touch with my emotions and I proudly put them on display. I embrace each emotion and not ashamed of any. If I'm happy and I know it..... Why did I suddenly start singing? If I'm happy, I show it. If I'm sad, I show it. If you don't like it, too bad, I can't help that. But I also do poetry now too. I've found it to be expressive and beautiful or depressing and thoughtful. At times you can do more in a few lines of poetry than you can in a few paragraphs of prose. Poetry can be de-constructed and interpreted different ways. And that's partially why I'm not afraid of my emotions and will display them, I'm not worried about how others perceive me. Sure, some may see me in my gloomy moods and think that's all that Jeffrey Scott is, but how wrong they would be. As most of my readers here know, I'm also a very funny person and do much to express that as well. Whatever the mood, that's who Jeffrey Scott is, but it's never all-inclusive. Each mood is just a portion of the package. We are all happy, sad, gloomy, grumpy, excited, pensive, excited, stressed, courageous, amused, fearful or surprised from time to time. I have found a way to embrace each emotion and use each emotion. If I'm sad, I'll keep myself sad and use it. I'll write poetry, or just explore the emotion as much as I can. Others, like Spock, will just hold it in, angry at others for not feeling how they want them to feel.
Also, I am not:
Tuvok
I may seem distant at times, but I'm not unfamiliar with having fun. I have a large assortment of games at home; be them video, card or board games. You can always find something fun to do at my house.
T'Pol
I may not seem very adventuresome at times, but I'm always willing to try something new. Like travelling alone overseas. I just love doing that now. I'm also not afraid of trying new foods, even if I know I won't like it. And trust me, I've been served some really odd things.
Saavik
Humour may be a difficult concept, but I simply adore it. Love to have fun and play humorous tricks on people. Also like throwing in a few "Easter Eggs", even if for my own enjoyment.
T'Pau
I'm a big fan of 80's music as everyone knows. But it's not the only lyrical muse capable of captivating and inspiring my heart and soul. Jazz, classical, modern top 40, pop, rock, local, the list could go on.
So I was driving around this weekend with my friends Charley and Sawyer when we became lost. Well, okay, that's stretching the truth a bit. To be honest, I wish I were driving around with friends when I get lost. I'd have others I could place blame on. As it is, I almost always am driving around alone when I'm meeting friends somewhere. Been in the city all my life and there are still times I rely on GPS. So this weekend I missed out on a few things.
To be fair, I did have a great Saturday with my sister and family on our annual trip to Berres Brothers Cafe and also Lindt Outlet. My dad used to go with us too, so we kept him in mind the entire trip. As always, it was an experience, and for a little while we were in control of the moment. Protected from the stress, the noise and hassle of the rest of the weekend. It was our time. But I digress. Getting back to the topic on hand, at least our little jaunt is somewhat related because on our way, I was asked if we should make a turn and I said "Yes". But he driver kept going straight and we missed our exit on the highway. (Boy do I hate when people don't listen to directions). So we had to go the long way around, utilize the GPS, and arrive later than we had planned. But this proves my point. For a brief moment we were 'lost', and yet there were others in the car to which I was able to blame for us not going in the correct direction.
But I had my own direction fails which are clearly my own fault. Saturday evening I was supposed to meet a group of friends at a local park. We have many parks in the area and I can't seem to remember the names of all of them. Well, I couldn't remember the name we were supposed to meet at but I thought I knew the general direction. I took Forest Home Ave as far as I possible could looking for the park in question only to give up and head home. If I were not so phone shy I would have called someone to ask the name of the park, but that's another rant for another time. Again, I realize this is all my fault and I place no blame with anyone else. But I can still be upset with myself can't I? It's not like it happens every day.
The next day, the same thing happened to me. I was supposed to meet some friends for lunch and I did not have the address written down so I just asked for the address. Given the address, I headed over for lunch. What I didn't ask, or failed to notice, was if the address was North or South (Boy do I hate when I don't listen to directions). There is certainly a big different between North 11th street and South 11th street. Driving to what I thought was the address given me, I found an empty lot. Were we meeting for a picnic in an empty lot? No. I was just on the wrong side of town. (You can see a photo of me lost and driving on the empty lot above). Once again, a victim of my own stupidity.
Like last month, using another guest blogger this month. Professor Sanee has provided this months edition. Thanks for your patience and understanding.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
When a situation is presented to most people, it is either greatly accepted or looked at apprehensively. Those taken to apprehension have various views on the situation presented. Either it's not accepted because it's out of their comfort zone, or they view it as something rather difficult. Either difficult to believe, or difficult to accomplish. "It's impossible", they may call out. But what is impossibility? Alice (in Wonderland) was encouraged to believe impossible things. And yet, is something impossible, truly impossible? Look at a few of the things Alice found impossible to believe in. A cat who disappeared leaving only a cheesy grin, a bottle of mysterious fluid that allowed her to shrink in size, and a deck of playing cards following the orders of a tyrannical Queen who seemingly wanted to see everyone without a head. And all this before breakfast. So how capable would you be to accept any of these impossible scenarios? And are they really impossible?
To illustrate, let's journey back a couple hundred years. On our trip, we will bring a set of walkie talkies a flash-light and a digital camera. Before showing any of these items to any of the locals, we will describe each item. To which, they will declare them to be impossible. How can one cause a beam of light to shoot from one's hands? Or listen to a person from a mile away, as though they were standing right next to you? Or hold the perfect image of someone in an instant, within the palm of your hand. That's impossible! And then when you show them the items, they may gradually learn to accept them as possible. If they don't burn you for witch-craft.
So maybe not all situations presented to us are as impossible as we feel they are. I know there are several things to which I consider impossible, that I'd like to at least hope are just illusions of impossibility. What about you? Is there anything that others claim to be impossible, that you consider within the realm of possibility? And for the record, no, I don't believe the situations in Alice in Wonderland are possible. They are quite impossible.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Professor Sanee resides in Italy
and teaches the course 'the
Ethics of Humour' at I.M.A.
She's also author of the book,
"Why Isn't Anyone Laughing?"
Before I begin my r.a.n.t. for the week, let me check the date.
Yep, just as I remembered. The year is 2014, not 1984. I just wonder if all of my friends are aware of this. I've always followed along with technology. To be honest, I'd be lost without it. Does that make me a techno-nerd? Or just trying to remain connected? With all the sophisticated technology available, I'm surprised certain people don't wish to take advantage of it. Recently, one of my friends was irritated (and rightly so) when he was not informed about an event taking place to which many others were aware of.
Was the event posted to twitter, Instagram, Facebook or G+? No, it was not. Well, I may have actually said something about it on Facebook, but the "official" invite wasn't posted there. For the record, I do try to understand when a person doesn't want to get involved in various social media sites such as Facebook. Their worries may be well-founded, information posted there may one day be used against them, especially if they are ever hacked. But, in most cases, you only get 'out' of something, what you put 'in'. If you are not sharing personal photos, phone numbers and addresses, what's the harm? The benefit I see is keeping in contact with as many of your friends as possible. But I digress.
Back to my friend, we were talking about him not being informed of an event. As for the 'official' plans, they were 'group texted' to everyone. However, my friend doesn't even do text messages. As odd as that is, I have another friend who doesn't even use email. If the person isn't personally called or talked to face to face, they will have no idea what is going on. Granted, I can see the appeal of receiving a person phone call, or a visit from a friend when they have news To be honest, I love when friends stop over or call, it just doesn't happen often. But the downside of a personal phone call or visit is it takes time. If I have a party I'm planning and I know everyone receives texts, are on Facebook or has an email account, I'm more prone to going that route than going the following way:
dial 555-1516 - Hi this is John, leave a message.
2 minutes later
dial 555-4815 - "Jack, I'm calling to.... what? Yea, I heard about your trip......
35 minutes later
dial 867-5309 - "Jenny, I'm having a party. We're going to have a good time, so I thought I'd give you a call. The date is....
6 minutes later
dial 555-4223 - "May I speak with Charlie please?........ Hey, how you doing? I'm calling to invite......
21 minutes later......
So an hour has elapsed and I've reached only three of my friends and left a phone message with one. Should I call that one person back later to make sure they got the message? Yea, probably. I supposed if I want to get fancy about it and still take a lot of time, I can write out party invitations and request r.s.v.p's so they will be responsible for letting me know. Or, maybe I could do this.
Text (John) 555-1516, (Jack) 555-4815, (Jenny) 867-5309, (Charlie) 555-4223, (Kate) 555-1542, (Ben) 555-1648, (Michael) 555-8423 "Hey all, having a party on the 23rd, you're all invited. Let me know if you can make it.
5 minutes later
DONE
No, I'm not saying everyone MUST or SHOULD get involved in social media. Neither am I saying everyone NEEDS to have text messages equipped. I understand why people might not want to do that. All I'm saying is, it's so much faster and fun. So, even though I won't hold this against someone, I may still r.a.n.t. about it a little bit.
When I was younger, I could chat forever on the phone with my friends. With one of my friends, in fact, it was so hard to say good-bye to we devised a system where after an hour or so, we'd finally agree to count to three and hang up. Seriously, if we didn't do that, one of us would think of one last thing to bring up, and suddenly we'd be on the phone for another hour. To be honest, we still do that to this day, more out of nostalgia than absolutely being necessary. The only drawback to this feature is when other people are generally around when I talk to him on the phone, they (my kids) always know to whom I've been talking to. I suppose everyone who has an 'oldest' friend likely has some quirk they still engage in. What is it you still do with your closest friend?
But now that I'm older, I have a hard time finding even small things to talk about. Unless I have somehow grasped their attention with a story, I find it really hard to chit-chat. As for grasping someone's attention, I don't generally have a great story to share with others because I'm now a generally boring individual. Most of my conversations lately consist of me saying, uh huh, yes yes, oh really, I know. I've become quite the good listener. When I do work up the nerve to initiate a conversation it's usually something like, "I must be invisible". It's supposed to be a joke, usually when a friend walks past me without acknowledging me. Of course, then the rest of the conversation is fairly awkward and I ponder for the next few hours if I just sounded like a jerk. What have been some of your feeble attempts to initiative a conversation with someone, that failed. Here are my top ten.
Jeffrey Scott's Top 10 Worst Chit-Chat Initiations
10. I must be invisible.
9. Did you lose a fight or something?
8. Can I get a raise?
7. Cold enough for you?
6. You have tissue on the bottom of your shoe.
5. Hi Shuma, wait, no. It's Kayra, right?
4. Wanna hear a joke?
3. So I hear (favourite sports team) lost again.
2. Do you have a quarter?
1. Did you fly here with your broom?
Learning a foreign language is something I've always wanted to do. As far back as High School, I wanted to learn German. (Another RANT that discussed this can be found: HERE) The problem with trying to learn a language no one around you speaks, is it's hard to stick to and be dedicate to. So learning German outside of school didn't last long. Truth be told, it didn't last much while I was still in school. However, lately I've been attempting another language, this time there are others around me who also speak the language. So I automatically have a plus when it comes to learning it. An additional advantage is learning the language for a good reason. Had I learned German, it would have been neat to know, but there would have been no real call for it. This time, as I learn the foreign language, I can hopefully use what I have learned to help teach others the bible. Those who truly know me, know how important this is to me. But this wouldn't be a proper r.a.n.t. without something to complain about, would it?
Unlike German, the 'Karen' language I'm learning has it's own characters. So before I could even begin to start learning the language, I had to learn to read the characters. But that isn't even the hard part. The hard part has come after that. As you will have noticed, I'm a writer and I love to write. As a writer, I am fairly adept at the English language and have many, many words at my disposal. Depending on how I want to write something, I can vary the words I utilize to give different connotations. What does that have to do with anything? Well, learning a new language is a very humbling experience. (See last weeks r.a.n.t. on how humble I claim to be). Essentially, I'm starting from scratch and anything I want to say in the language is very simple. As I strive to learn, I know I will stumble, I will say silly things, I will be corrected or criticized, I will get frustrated, I may even get teased. But no one said learning a language was going to be easy. That's all good though, you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.
R.a.n.t. of week 07/28/13
One year ago, I started ranting about ants invading my house. It's something I've done before, r.a.n.t.ing I mean. Back in 2004 I had a personal website I maintained which came with a discussion group. On a weekly basis, I would find something to complain about, to inspire people talking. It lasted for about four months till I started running out of time and forgetting about it. In 2008 I started my blog and continued with my r.a.n.t.'s where I left off, but this time it only lasted five weeks. Finally, in 2012, I began to r.a.n.t. once more. Here it is a year later and I'm still ranting. A week ago, I asked several people if they'd be interested in helping me do an anniversary r.a.n.t and a few agreed. I asked them to be short, light and as humorous as they could possibly be. I would have done all these topics myself, but sometimes it's nice to get a fresh perspective from someone else. Plus, with such a variety of topics, I'm afraid I'd get writers block before to long.
Business
Thanks for the opportunity to write something. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, but it hit me this morning what I can write about. Just heard the local coffee house Alterra is changing it's name. It's now going to be called Colectivo Coffee. What? So ridiculous. What was wrong with the Alterra name? And they sold the name to another company. Now I'll be confused when I see the Alterra name. Is it the coffee, or the coffee cafe? What's in a name? Such upsetting news, and before I've even had my morning coffee.
By, Erick / Visit my blog at erickthered.blogspot.com
- I couldn't agree more. (Jeffrey Scott)
Food
They are back! Yes, Twinkies are back. I love these golden baked goods. So tasty and fun. What were they thinking not selling them anymore. Everyone loves the Twinkies and thats why they ahd to bring them back. So in a way, us the buyers win. They thought they could deprive us. #Fail. One of the biggest times I ever got in trouble was when my mother came back from the store and I found the box of Twinkies. I remember taking them into the basement and eating them all. I was maybe five. When my mom looked for them I said I didn't no where they were so she thoguht the store forgot to put them in the bags. I was dumb though, and crusehd the box up and stuffed it under the dryer. About two years later we got a new drier and my dad found the empty box. By that time I forgot I put them they're.
- I appreciate the humorous story Katy.
Sports
Dude, check it. The Milwaukee Brewers are lame, and everyone knows it. But not as lame as Ryan Braun having to forfeit the rest of the season. The rest of the season? And just because he wanted to help out his team and his career? "But his performance was enhanced" (I hear you whine). Suck it up, buttercup! That's such a bad thing? I can certainly see the tragedy in that.... NOT! Complaining that PED's are a disadvantage to other players is like complaining my wife's coupons are a disadvantage to other shoppers. She uses what resources are available to her advantage, so did Braun. I'm no Braun fan by any stretch of the imagination, but I'll call a duck a duck. I could go on, but I won't. I've got tickets to see the Detroit Tiger's tonight. Now that's a ball team!
- Your fascination with the Tigers baffles me Kenny. But I'm not really in a good position to dispute that at this time. LOL Go Brewers!
World News
Kate Middleton,
Most people are so upset with all the press Kate Middleton is getting lately regarding the birth of her baby. My complaint is about all THOSE people. If you don't like the news, shut it off. Having a baby is a wonderful blessing, and Kate is such a beautiful mother. It's not beneath me to say I'm a little jealous. And how adorable is George Alexander Louis. How could you not fall in love with that precious bundle of joy. Kate, you really have it all; you are gorgeous, have a great fashion sense, a wonderful husband and the cutest baby ever. What more could a girl ask for?
With love,
Vicki
- You know what they say, haters are gonna hate. Nice job Vicki.
Rebuttal
My rant is a rebuttal to something you wrote last year - describing feelings of "being invisible". I wonder if it's ever dawned on you, you are likely the biggest part of the problem. Being quiet and shy isn't an excuse. Get over it and approach people. How can you complain about others doing this to you, if you do this to them? And explaining your problems using Doctor Who? Yawn, give it a rest. Maybe the next time you do this, you can give ME the 'business' section. I'd cover something more informative than a simple name change.
Jenni Long.
- Thanks for the kind thoughts Jen. I can always rely on you to call me out. You certainly like to complain more than I do. I don't know why you don't have your own r.a.n.t. blog.
This anniversary r.a.n.t has come to it's conclusion. Lately, it's been hard when trying to help others celebrate their own anniversaries, when I don't currently have anything to celebrate myself..So now, in a way, I have. Maybe it won't be so bad for me any more.
Once again, thanks to everyone who contributed something! It means a lot. Even if I don't 100% agree with all of your views. I'm looking at you Jen!
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Jenni Long is a writer and editor
of the Canadian children's magazine
'Fille Forte'. That being said, her
thoughts do not necessarily reflect
those of myself.
Believe it or not, there are some weeks I find nothing to complain about. Maybe that's not entirely true, let me correct myself. Believe it or not, there are some weeks I find nothing NEW to complain about. Idiot drivers, inconsiderate people, dumb things in life I can't control or egg terrorists. Wait, I've never complained about egg terrorists before. As this has never happened to me, I've never found a reason to. Fortunately, this HAS happened to a guest contributor, who shall now relate her experience. Did I say fortunate? Fortunate for me, less fortunate for her.
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There are many things in life I can tolerate. I usually can dodge any curve ball thrown. It’s during those unexpected moments I may find myself in that I usually can figure out my next moves. Even if I don’t, I can usually wiggle my way gracefully out of the situation. People can even hit me with their best shots anytime because I’ve learned through my experiences in life to toughen up. I’ve learned what people say to hurt me doesn’t really matter anyway so I can usually let their words go in one ear and out the other.
There is something, however, that really irks the daylights out of me. It is the curve ball thrown at me/my property in the form of an egg. An egg you wonder? Yes, an egg. I find it quite peculiar that there are people in this world that find it funny to say the least to plot, plan and finally to attack your windows with eggs. I call them the Egg Terrorists. I’m going to try to put myself in the mind of one. The attacker likely comes with a motive. During the day he scans the neighborhood looking for the best home to hit. The attackers mind set, I truly believe is first and foremost, to scare the life out of someone. When the egg terrorists attack they put their victim in shock. The victim of the egg attacker never knows until they see the yellow slimy substance of the egg dripping down from their windows. They ask, “Was it an owl, a rock, or Superman?” Personally I would take the later any time. The egg on the other hand that flew into your window was hurled there by a simple minded individual that likely has an egg for a brain. This fool wasted his money on something perfectly fine to eat, that could have been prepared in a variety of forms I may add. I can see that idiot now standing at the cash register…smirking and thinking… “I have the weapons in hand….hahahahahaha…” Looking to the left and the right with his squinty eyes, he glances, hoping nobody there knows that those eggs he just bought were not for an omelet the next morning but for his premeditated juvenile behavior…egg throwing! Placing them neatly in a carry out bag…I can see him glancing though each and every one of those eggs, hoping to find the best of the best to throw at the windows of his unsuspecting victims…Ahhh…he finds the one he saw during the day. Before throwing the egg, he examines it carefully. “Yes” he says to himself, “This is the one!”Lurking in the darkness, he finds the home with the largest windows in the neighborhood and makes his move. He slithers up on the grass like a cunning snake, peers into the window and gages his exact distance that will cause the most harm and mess to the window. Suddenly,…bam…boom…splash! The Egg Terrorist strikes again.
His mission is accomplished. The damage is done. The perfectly good egg was hurled into space like a satellite being controlled by that simple minded egg pitcher. His gauging was correct. The egg, hurled by the egg head terrorist, made its way perfectly to the window he was hoping to hit. I often wonder if the Egg Terrorist wears a costume of sorts when he goes out at night bearing the initials ET…however he could be afraid of copy write infringement. Now, as he runs and laughs, he leaves behind the product of his foolish behavior. The window is left with the egg damage, but the owner of the property is left standing in complete disarray over the foolishness of such behavior. The owner is left with a giant task at midnight to hose down the eggs and in the morning spend precious time cleaning egg shells out of the corners of the window pane. The Egg Terrorists are not really considered to be on the top priority of a 911 call. After all no “real” damage was done to property they say. Really?
So my R.A.N.T is that food in any sort, shape or form is not meant to be hurled at anything except a plate and in a mouth. Eggs are one of the food items that are on the top of my list as being the silliest things to waste along with the toilet paper and balloons, whose attackers by the way think that it is funny to drape toilet paper around a tree or to hit a person smack dab in the face with a balloon filled with water.
So, Egg Terrorist if you are reading this…take note that I have some people in some pretty high places that will find you. When they do, and they will find you…and take note, my sorry little absent minded fellow, that my mission is to tie you up and put you against the wall as I throw darts at you. And I may add…Possibly doing this blindfolded. HAHAHAHAHAHA
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Professor Sanee resides in Italy
and teaches the course 'the
Ethics of Humour' at I.M.A.
She's also author of the book,
"Why Isn't Anyone Laughing?"
blob
noun
1. a horrific globule of matter. - i.e. Semi-truck driver or something similar.
2. a semi-sentient appearing matter, but having no realistic function.
3. a dull, slow-witted, and uninteresting person.
4. an object, having no redeeming qualities.
It's shouldn't be very surprising, but I've never really been happy with my self image. To be honest, ever since childhood I've battled with low self esteem problems. Of course self esteem comes in many forms. Some of the ways a person can feel good or bad about themselves includes looks, accomplishments, personality or social skills. This week, I've decided to touch on these aspects, and how I'm dealing with each. Additionally, there is a semi-quiz involved. How well do you know me?
P.S. The quiz is NOT about Semi's.
Looks
Ironically, my biggest inspiration comes from:
A). Driving semi-trucks.
B). Reading fitness magazines.
C). Baking low-fat brownies and cookies.
D). Listening to motivational speakers.
E). Watching 'Biggest Loser' on TV.
F). Working out in my dreams.
G). Planning marathons I'll never run in.
This is the one I have the most problem with. As a youth, I was never happy with my appearance. Being teased and made fun of in school because of my 'goofy' looks never helped the matter much. I look back now and realize it was mostly just mean kids being mean kids, really how many children are EVER happy with their looks (teased or not)? I'm assuming not many, or maybe I really did/do have a problem. In one of those funny twists of life, one thing I hated most about myself was being a 'stick'. My metabolism was so high, I never gained any weight. I was continually teased I would blow away. Anyone remember the ad in the back of comic books where the big tough guy is kicking sand in the scrawny guys face? Yes, I was the model for the scrawny guy. And now, I'm the other extreme. I now have such a hard time taking any weight off. Lately I've been managing to stay below 300 pounds, but just barely. Certainly makes it hard for me to maintain a high self esteem, at least in this area.
Accomplishments
My number one goal in life has always been to be:
A). Semi-truck driver.
B). Photographer
C). Comedian
D). Green Bay Packer Quarterback.
E). Writer
F). Teacher
G). A contestant on Wheel of Fortune.
How often do we look at what we've accomplished in our life and criticize it? Once again, maybe not everyone does, maybe it's just me. But it's true, I criticize myself for lack of accomplishments in my writing. Ever since High School I've wanted to be a writer. Okay, I "AM a writer", I hear you saying. But I have always wondered if I could have done MORE with my writing. Could I have ever published a book if I had applied myself more? Could I have sold a poetry collection? Maybe had an article published in a magazine? Maybe, guess I'll never know unless I actually try some time. And why is it I put off doing so? I guess, that's where the low self esteem comes into play. I'm always worried that what I write, will automatically be rejected by anyone. So why bother? I know that's foolish, I just wish I didn't believe it so much.
Personality
My biggest personality fault is:
A). Swearing like a semi-driver.
B). Believing I'm superior to others.
C). Not having a sense of humour.
D). Loving to belittle others.
E). Being bossy and overbearing.
F). Having an "I don't care" attitude.
G). Always quiet, shy and withdrawn.
Unlike the first two aspects, this one has never bothered me too much. Of all the options in the question, I'd pick being quiet and shy over any of them. Not surprisingly, the rest in the list are things I have to one degree or another, already ranted about. I've never understood the need to use foul language in every sentence. It really just shows a lack of creativity and/or vocabulary. As for the sense of humour, I once knew this girl who never laughed at any of my jokes, and in fact, thought I was making fun of her. No, I really don't try to crack belittling jokes. It's just not my style. Still, being quiet, shy and withdrawn does affect my self esteem. At times I wish I wasn't so much, especially when put in new situations or with new people. Being shy, I have a hard time introducing myself to people and being quiet means I'm not a chatterbox, so have a hard time striking up or maintaining a conversation. How I envy others who do this so well.
Social Skills
The skill I'm less likely to want to work on is:
A.) Communication
B.) Listening
C.) Being empathetic
D.) Being kind and courteous.
E.) Being positive.
F.) Being humble.
G.) Crafting semi-truck jokes.
We can all improve in every aspect of our lives, some more than others. I'm not suggesting I have nothing to work on, but maybe some people need to work on a few of these skills more than I do. Like personality, I'm not so distraught over my handling of this topic. Personally, I think I've got very good social skills. True, I may be quiet and shy, but if you get me talking, I'm a motor-mouth. Also, if asked a question, I'll answer and try to find some way to continue the conversation. So why is it some people reply with one word answers, look away or just pretend you didn't ask a question. That's not good communication, and it certainly isn't good listening. By listening to what a person says, you can better identify with the person. If it's not something you can identify with, you can at least be empathetic to what the person is trying to tell you, show concern. If it's something you don't know how to handle, just listening and trying to be supportive may be enough. When you try to show them support, you show yourself to be a kind and courteous person. Keeping these few things in mind will have quite the positive effect on how people view your own social skills. As for being humble? I don't really need to work on this. I know I'm a humble person. In fact I'm so humble, I've actually won awards, and proudly display them in my house..
Quiz Bonus Points are awarded this week if you can identify all four of the blobs.
Answers revealed next week
Or just click HERE.
Oh the joys of living in the city. It means I'm blessed with tons of human contact. For example, a neighbour upstairs shares her music with me late into the evening. At times till one or two in the morning. Sometimes it's a film she's watching, but the sounds are still shared with me. Additionally rewarding is the great view I have from my bedroom windows. From one side, I get to observe the traffic of the busy street and the other a fantastic view of the panelling from the house next door.
Also, there is much to do during the day while living in the city. Just this morning I was able to listen to one of my audio books while I sat in bumper to bumper traffic on the motorway. My favourite game when I arrive to work is the "Find a Parking Spot" game. In this game, the object is to find a place to park close enough so you can keep tabs on your car during the day. You automatically lose this game if you park too far away and have your car broken into. This happened to me once, it sucks losing the game this way. Of course, the only way to really win this game is to find a decent parking spot in the morning, and then still have the same parking spot available once you arrive back from lunch. No, it doesn't happen frequently. The city is also filled with many awesome decorators. Not really my cup of tea, but their attempts to decorate the streets with used drink bottles, snack bags and cigarette butts is encouraging. Truly, I find the decorations puzzling, but they must seem to like it, why else would they do it?
Once the work day is over and I'm done playing games and admiring the decorated landscape, it's time to head home. And yes, the evening in the city is just as fun. If you want to enjoy a calming fire, you don't have to worry about constructing or maintaining a large fire pit. The city insists you keep any fire small and contained. And living where I live, I don't have to worry about setting much on fire because the only place to set a fire-pit up is on a cold hard parking stall. How awesome is that? I don't have to worry to much about the cars that park there either because they are out on the street speeding up and down. Nothing makes an evening more enjoyable than the sound of cars gunning their engines. Certainly more enjoyable than the annoying sounds of evening birds chirping. One last reason why the city is so much better than living in the country, the intense traffic and street lights drown out the hum-drum view of the nightly stars. It's kind of like living inside a giant light bulb. Now who wouldn't want that?
