V is for Vacation Disasters

R.a.n.t. of day 04/25/15

Once in a while we all need to get away. Sometimes we need to get away from a stressful job. Other times we may need to get away from the city we are living in. But have you ever had the need to get away from the vacation you are currently on? Growing up, we had one such vacation. My father had just remarried and funds were at a minimum. He did the best he could manage to take us somewhere that Summer. I didn't appreciate it at the time, none of us kids did. At the time we all complained. Following are two shameful excerpts from the journal I was keeping at the time.

K.A.T.Y. Entry: 07-24-02-08-34-89 04
'...here we have the family, a murky lake, a generator that can only be run for several hours at night, a row boat with a slow leak in it, and hardly any gas left to make it around to the nearest town. So far, the best time here is at night when the generator goes out and all the stars are visible. It looks truly awesome. And last night we had a jolly campfire, well a campfire.'

K.A.T.Y. Entry: 07-28-06-08-25-89 05
'And so this is the last day our family is suppose to be up at this "fun" vacation. Actually everyone wants to leave and are happy we are leaving a day early. I - well I like it here except I hate this drinking water, fun is limited, to many bugs and not any friends here. I was greatly pleased the other day when it began to rain. Also the day before my father took me to a most excellent fishing spot.'

It's interesting to note, though I was complaining in each entry, I also found something positive to talk about. I read those entries now and regret what I wrote. My dad was doing the best he could. The description doesn't even sound that bad. I love star gazing, camp fires, appreciating the wilderness and time alone to read (I was reading the Diary of Anne Frank at the time). So what was I complaining about? Maybe it wasn't so bad after all. Maybe I should have told my father I appreciated the vacation instead of complaining about it. But I never did.

Yes, the vacation was bad. However, the family and I, we still talk about them. We laugh now, more than anything else. Teasing my brother about losing his glasses in the lake from swatting at flies. Or one of the twins sisters stepping into a pile of mud and screaming, thinking she was going to be sucked under. Of course she only lost a shoe. Then the youngest, (age nine at the time), was terrified and screaming because I told him the frog sounds he heard was 'Banjo Joe'. Apparently he thought Banjo Joe was a deranged, axe wielding maniac who was going to kill us in our sleep. Such funny memories. But isn't that what happens years after a bad experience? You laugh it off.  Sometimes that's all you can do to keep from crying.

Some questions for discussion:
Have you ever had a vacation disaster?
What would be your ideal vacation?
Ever laugh at things now that years ago seemed traumatic?
Ever playfully scare a sibling or friend into believing something that wasn't true?

Abandoned

R.a.n.t. of week 11/02/14

It's an awful feeling to have. I think everyone has felt this at some point in their lives. And different people feel this emotion to different degrees. A child who learns it was adopted because it's parents abandoned it will most likely feel worse than a parent who learns it's child would rather spend more time with his friends. But truly, it always hurts, even if you understand the reasons behind it. As they say, life moves on.

Lately, I've been feeling like this within several layers. At times I'm able to deal with the stress from it all, other days, not so much. Next month It'll be nine years since my wife filed for divorce. Sure, I've been able to deal with that and have been able to move on, for the most part. But there is always some nagging feeling of abandonment when someone you once loved let's you know they are leaving.

Within the past year other things have taken place. One of my brothers has this annoying habit of reuniting with the family every so often, only to sneak away in the middle of the night because he can't deal with things. About two years ago my brother once again reconnected with the family. Most likely because my father was dying. However, earlier last year he did his Amazing Mumford routine and disappeared once again. I haven't heard from him since. He's one of those people who react impulsively to situations instead of sitting down and trying to figure out how to deal with it. So I'm use to this behaviour of his, but it still feels like an abandonment.

Another form of seemingly abandonment is when children finally decide to leave home. Last year, the ex-wife decided to move to another city about a forty minute drive away. No, that's not such a big distance, especially when we agreed to meet half way to exchange children. But within the past few weeks, both of my boys have taken jobs in that city. What this means is, the weekends I'm supposed to have my kids visit me, does not work now. So it can be weeks at a time till I see my kids again. One is still in school, one is not. So with school and work, it'll be a while till I see my youngest. My oldest is now working many hours, and as hinted above, would rather spend time with his friends. Yes, all understandable. Life goes on, life resumes, life continues. But sitting at home alone now makes me feel abandoned many times over.

Other thoughts on this topic include when friends drift apart. Either they are drawn to other people more, or they have stressful lives with too much to do. Friends marry, have children, additional responsibilities, concentrate on a burdensome workload or other matters to attend to and suddenly you are no longer as essential to them as you once were. You let them know you will always be there for them, but it becomes apparent they no long need your reliance. Feelings of abandonment are once again felt.

Yes, I know what you are thinking. 'You need to toughen up, that's life'. Of course it's life and I understand that. But like most of my rants, that doesn't mean I have to like feeling abandoned. Even if it's all in my head.

Family

You do not choose them,
that is true.
But you tend to love them,
what can you do?

The bonding is strong,
for many years.
You enjoy such good times
and whether the tears.

Yes, fights do happen
you do not prize,
And Quickly forgotten
if your wise.

The good times are there,
and even more.
Don't think about it,
who's keeping score?

Laughing and joking,
tears and pain.
It's part of the family
though seems insane.

J.A.Scott