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After talking to a friend a few days ago, I got to realizing he was complaining about a non-issue. Something made up in his mind. But this isn't a problem he suffers from alone. Every day, things transpire in our lives which we worry about. Typically, the worries are unjustifiable. Each month, 'Fille Forte' receives many questions along these lines. I.E., "I think my friend is mad at me, what did I do?", "Why is my friend ignoring me?", and my personal favourite, "I heard my friend went out with another friend, but I wasn't invited. Why?" When you think of it, each question is just a form of insecurity; no real problem exists. When I responded to my friend, I told him the same thing the girls in the magazine are generally told.
1.) The problem is yours alone.
2.) You are causing the bad situation.
3.) It could be harming your friendship.
4.) You should seek to resolve the situation.
Let's take the first question, "I think my friend is mad at me, what did I do?"
"Dear Worried,
How certain are you your friend is mad at you? Did they tell you this specifically? Or are you just assuming? It's very possible you did nothing. In a true friendship, we should never try to read minds. When you start making assumption based on what you think the other person is thinking, you are simply inventing a problem that does not exist. If she is truly your friend, you need to develop trust. Trust she does not get mad for trivialities. Trust that if she is mad, she will let you know when she's ready. And if she is upset about something, she may come to realize it's silly and let it go."
Second question, "Why is my friend ignoring me?"
"Dear Ignored,
Sometimes we may think a person is ignoring us, but in reality they are involved in some other activity. If you send a text message to a friend and they do not respond right away, it does not mean they are ignoring you. Like you, they have other things going on in their lives. It would be hazardous to think you are the centre of your friends world. Perhaps they are dealing with parents, or have had chores assigned to them. Don't be pushy and selfish. Your friend will get back to you when they can. You wouldn't want them to think you are narcissistic. Whatever you do, don't complain about being ignored. This could actually push your friend away and they may truly start to ignore you. If you are having a hard time waiting to hear back from a friend, get involved in something else. Go for a walk, watch a funny film, read a magazine article. It's possible you are just being impatient."
Final question, "I heard my friend went out with another friend, but I wasn't invited. Why?"
"Dear Not Invited,
You are being insecure about something you needn't be. Like you, she has other friends to associate with. If you draw attention to this problem, you are likely to draw attention to your insecurity. Insecurity can be a turn-off, even among friends. It's not possible for you to invite all your friends to absolutely everything you do. The same is true for others. Let your friends have other friends. It doesn't mean they no longer like you. It simply means they decided to spend time with another friend. When you do something with a specific friend, does that mean you've stopped liking your other friends? No. The same is true for everyone."
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of the Canadian children's magazine
'Fille Forte'. That being said, her
thoughts do not necessarily reflect
those of myself.
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