Sunday, November 30, 2014

The Spice of Life

R.a.n.t. of week 11/30/14
As you know, there are many things in this world that enrage me enough to rant about them. But did you know there are many things I feel are not important enough to rant about? Things that just make me wonder, pondering what if, why not or how come? Usually, it's simple stupid stuff. Why do I love watermelon flavoured candy but not watermelons themselves? Why can my home coffee pot never make coffee as rich as Starbucks? Why are some friends addicted to Star Wars but refuse to give Doctor Who a try? How come there are no Doritos flavoured spices?

Okay, I take back what I said about not wanting to complain. If you ask me, Doritos flavoured spices only make a lot of sense. Really, what are Doritos without the flavouring? Just nacho chips. What fun is that? Without the flavouring, they are as boring as eating vanilla flavoured ice cream. Yawn! (Another rant for another time).

What could be better than adding a little nacho cheese flavouring to a casserole? Some Taco flavouring on top of a burger? Maybe a chicken breast spiced with cool ranch? Am I over-thinking this? I can't be the only one. Believe it or not I actually have some strong support in high places. Did you know Taco Bell regards Doritos in such high regard they have tacos flavoured after the chip called Doritos Locos Tacos? And they have been so popular Doritos in turn produced a chip flavoured after the Doritos Locos Tacos? Huh? I'm confused and I think my head just exploded. But at least I have support the Doritos flavour spices can be added to more than just chips. So, what other Doritos flavours would you like to see in spice form? Here are a few of my suggestions.

Spicy Sweet Chili

Intense Pickle

Coconut Curry

Late Night BBQ


Tomato & Onion Salad



Andes Rock Salt

Yoghurt & Mint

Your Guess Is As Good As Mine

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Sit Ubu, Sit

R.a.n.t. of week 11/23/14
Ever get that feeling you have to stay. Staaaaaaay. STAY! Like a dog? Sometimes I feel that way. In my (most recent) case, I feel as thought I'm staying in the same place for the sake of my kids. First the back story:

When I was married, my wife liked to move continually. She could never stay in the same place. Doing a quick mental note, I count eight different places we lived at within thirteen years. So the last place we were living in at the time of the divorce, I've remained in. To some point, I always thought it would be good for the boys. Since the divorce, their mother has lived in three different places while I'm still in the same place. But like my reasoning for always giving in and moving when the wife wanted to move, it's the same reason I have not moved since the divorce. I've done so for other people. When I was married and she wanted to move, I relented and allowed her to look for another place. She always had a list of reasons why we needed to move. She had a few good points and I tried to keep peace in the family. Then, about a year before our divorce she wanted to move again but by this time I refused. It wasn't long after this the Sheriff showed up at my place of business on our 13th wedding anniversary to hand me her divorce petition. So now I am approaching my 9th un-anniversary and I have stayed. Mostly because I always wanted to give my children stability. Hoping they always had a place that would always feel like home.

Of course my children have now moved on themselves, pretty much living with their mother full time. So the decision now surfaces. Do I move or do I stay? That just brings up other questions. Do I need to move? Am I okay with where I am? Should I look for something better, smaller or different neighbourhood? Where would I go? So many good questions. I think for now, I'm going to stay where I am, sit still. I've got good neighbours, a fully stocked bar in the basement, and am comfortable with my surroundings. And to be honest, I'm really not looking forward to moving again. Eight times in thirteen years has taken a lot out of me. It's been nine years since all those moves and in my own twisted sense of humour, another four years in the same location will sort of negate all those moves that occurred while I was married. And maybe then, I will no longer sit where I am. I can move on.

Friday, November 21, 2014

Socks on Fox

Time we talk of missing socks,
stolen by a ludicrous fox.
He likes to stack all sorts of clocks,
on top of wonky slanted blocks.
Annoying too, is how he talks,
of breaking into the Fort Knox.
He dreams of switching gold for rocks,
all while wearing our stolen socks.


Sunday, November 16, 2014

Where Do The Socks Go?

R.A.N.T. of week 11/16/14
Why do I feel this is going to be a rant many share? The situation is simple: laundry is done and you are just completing the folding process when you realize there are one too many socks. Or to be more precise, one too few socks. Where did it go? You check the washer, not there. How about the dryer? Empty. Try as you might, you cannot find it. So what's the next step? If you are like me, you throw the sole sock back into the wash and hope next time around it'll find it's missing companion. Have you ever done that? How many times have you tried that with the same sock? After awhile, you begin to realize the sock has gone M.I.A. and you are likely to never see it's mate again. At least not till you throw the remaining one away, then suddenly it comes back. So I figured I'd run a quick poll on twitter to see if anyone else had the same problem and where they figured missing socks go. Like me, most people have assumed the socks have been sucked into a passing black-hole. Very few have suggested the missing sock was still in the dryer. Because really, if it's in the dryer, I'd find it quickly. But no, I almost never recover the misplaced foot clothing. The full results of the poll are shown below, as are the lyrics for a song I wrote. Okay, the song is more a parody, but I still wrote it.

"Where Do The Socks Go"
Lyrics by Jeffrey Scott
- Parody of "What Does the Fox Say"

Pants are clean.
Shirts are dried.
T's are washed.
There's no hide and seek.

Clothes are washed.
And dried too.
Not that you give a hoot.

Sweaters there.
And underwear.
But I wonder now, now now.

There's just one thing,
I do not know.
Where do the socks go?

Okay, that's really all I have. Feel free to continue singing the fox song though. I know you already are.
You're welcome.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Lead A Horse

You can lead a horse to water,
but you cannot make her drink.
She is just a simple trotter.

Plead to one for her own life,
ignores you and then walks away.
Argument just brings you strife.

No matter how you try, you fail,
to motivate the proper course.
Debating is to no avail.

Beat your head against the wall,
some just never learn.
Wisdom you cannot install.

You can lead a horse to water,
but you cannot make her think.
Reasonableness is such a bother.


Sunday, November 9, 2014

You Can Lead A Horse...

R.a.n.t. of week 11/09/14
You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him think. Is that how that expression goes? I could be wrong, but it still makes sense. For example, if you were riding in the desert on a horse with no name and you suddenly came to an oasis. You know it's the last chance to drink water for a long time, but you cannot reason with the horse that he better drink as much as he can. No, the horse drinks if he's thirsty. He's not going to think, "Gorsh, no more water? Better drink up." And that's generally how it is in the animal kingdom. But what's interesting is there are many people who are the same way.

A few weeks back I mentioned my brother who, when the going get rough, he gets going. He'll disappear in the middle of the night and you won't see or hear from him again for months or years. No matter what problem a person is facing, running away is hardly ever the best course of action. There are ways to deal with all sorts of problems, and yet this is the solution some people use to deal with their problems. Or better yet, will just complain about them over and over and over again without ever trying to rectify the situation.

Granted, I rant ad nauseam, but it's usually about things I can't change. Of course, my guest blogger Jenni Long always makes sure to point out when I do complain about something I can change. So why do people do it? Why, when faced with a problem are they unwilling to try and fix the problem? Solutions and suggestions can be offered to no avail. Instead of solving the problem, or finding a better solution, after nine days they decide to let the horse run free. Why solve a problem when you can just ignore it? Because when you ignore a problem, it just goes away. Right? RIGHT?

Saturday, November 8, 2014

What Is Fair

I live a life so empty,
such a waste of human space.
Boring, dull, petty, worthless,
and no one to embrace.

But cancer took my father.
Made a widow of his wife.
He is loved and dearly missed,
was it fair to take his life?

I daily live with much guilt,
Is it fair? I disagree.
So unjust that he is gone,
Would be more fair if it were me.


Sunday, November 2, 2014


R.a.n.t. of week 11/02/14
It's an awful feeling to have. I think everyone has felt this at some point in their lives. And different people feel this emotion to different degrees. A child who learns it was adopted because it's parents abandoned it will most likely feel worse than a parent who learns it's child would rather spend more time with his friends. But truly, it always hurts, even if you understand the reasons behind it. As they say, life moves on.

Lately, I've been feeling like this within several layers. At times I'm able to deal with the stress from it all, other days, not so much. Next month It'll be nine years since my wife filed for divorce. Sure, I've been able to deal with that and have been able to move on, for the most part. But there is always some nagging feeling of abandonment when someone you once loved let's you know they are leaving.

Within the past year other things have taken place. One of my brothers has this annoying habit of reuniting with the family every so often, only to sneak away in the middle of the night because he can't deal with things. About two years ago my brother once again reconnected with the family. Most likely because my father was dying. However, earlier last year he did his Amazing Mumford routine and disappeared once again. I haven't heard from him since. He's one of those people who react impulsively to situations instead of sitting down and trying to figure out how to deal with it. So I'm use to this behaviour of his, but it still feels like an abandonment.

Another form of seemingly abandonment is when children finally decide to leave home. Last year, the ex-wife decided to move to another city about a forty minute drive away. No, that's not such a big distance, especially when we agreed to meet half way to exchange children. But within the past few weeks, both of my boys have taken jobs in that city. What this means is, the weekends I'm supposed to have my kids visit me, does not work now. So it can be weeks at a time till I see my kids again. One is still in school, one is not. So with school and work, it'll be a while till I see my youngest. My oldest is now working many hours, and as hinted above, would rather spend time with his friends. Yes, all understandable. Life goes on, life resumes, life continues. But sitting at home alone now makes me feel abandoned many times over.

Other thoughts on this topic include when friends drift apart. Either they are drawn to other people more, or they have stressful lives with too much to do. Friends marry, have children, additional responsibilities, concentrate on a burdensome workload or other matters to attend to and suddenly you are no longer as essential to them as you once were. You let them know you will always be there for them, but it becomes apparent they no long need your reliance. Feelings of abandonment are once again felt.

Yes, I know what you are thinking. 'You need to toughen up, that's life'. Of course it's life and I understand that. But like most of my rants, that doesn't mean I have to like feeling abandoned. Even if it's all in my head.